In high school and college, I would see the offering plates pass during the church service and automatically count myself out. I thought I was somehow exempt from giving to the church. The passages in the Bible about giving weren't directed towards me, but "future me" who had it all together and was living a "comfortable" life. How could God expect anything out of a poor high school or college student? When I graduated college and got a full-time job, I began to feel like my excuses were running out. I started tithing each month and I truly was happy I was finally able to give back to the church that had so heavily poured into me and invested in my life. But in all honesty, it wasn't the biggest sacrifice to give at that point. I was living at home with my mom and had very few bills. But, at least it was a start!
Around that time, Josh and I became engaged. We had many discussions about giving to the church once we were married and we both knew that if we didn't implement this discipline from the start, we may never. There would always be something to stand in our way if we let it. So once we got married, we tithed each month. Some months were harder than others, but we always gave something. And God always provided. At that point, we were newlyweds living in a basement apartment in Atlanta and we weren't making much money. We didn't have much, but we always had exactly what we needed. In December of 2013, we bought our first home. It was a dream that I didn't even think would be possible for years to come, but we managed to make it happen and were thrilled about this huge step in our lives. But as everyone knows, "with great power comes great responsibility". We had more, but we also had more to pay for, take care of and manage.
At this point, Josh was still in seminary full-time and working at the church part-time and I was working full-time in Atlanta. While we were working extremely hard, we were struggling to make ends meet. We were staying afloat, but barely. There were many months that we seriously debated not tithing. We could have easily justified it, especially when we added up how much we were tithing each year. It was hard to see those numbers and know what a helpful impact that would have made in other areas of our life. It felt like such a sacrifice and one that I was struggling to make. We were a very young couple who had very little and it would have been easy to tell ourselves that it was okay not to give and somehow talk ourselves out of it. But despite all of the opposition we felt, we continued to give. But I'll be honest; it was a little begrudgingly on my part.
Around this time, I felt like God really moved in my life in the area of stewardship. Being a good steward is effectively managing what God has given you, but that's what I was struggling to see. In my mind, my money, my things, my house, my work ethic, the things I had worked so hard for....they were just that, mine. I finally had the revelation that I was holding on so tightly to things that actually weren't mine, they were God's. I was the first to say how much God had blessed me, but I wasn't willing to admit that everything I had was because of Him. Everything I had was His. It was really easy to look at the things I had and think, "I worked hard for those things. I earned those things on my own." But in actuality, God had given me a job. He had blessed me with parents who taught me how to work hard and how to manage my money well. God had given me the motivation, dedication, and passions that I had. When I finally accepted that everything I had wasn't even mine to begin with, giving became a whole lot easier. I began to understand the true concept of stewardship which is managing what God has given me not hoarding and keeping from God what was His to begin with. I also started to understand the concept that giving didn't mean just giving my money. Giving meant sharing my time, talents, abilities, and spiritual gifts with the church, the church body, and my community. God gave me those gifts to share with others, not keep to myself.
While this concept might seem constraining or even imprisoning to some, it has been the most freeing experience for me. If anything, it has opened my eyes up to all that God has given me. And wow, I am one blessed woman! Instead of feeling like nothing is mine, I am filled with peace knowing these things are God's, I am God's and God takes care of His sheep. This is where my story gets emotional for me and if you have made it this far in reading this, I promise this is where I was going all along. God has provided for me and my family in phenomenal ways. I am a worrier by nature and I cannot tell you how many times I was convinced that we weren't going to make it, but we have never, ever gone without. God has given my family exactly what we need right when we need it and not a second sooner. This journey has pushed my faith and trust in Christ in ways I had never experienced. I have been forced to rely on Him to come through for me and He always does. We have received everything from used furniture, diapers for my son, used toys & clothes, money for a suit for my husband to preach in, random bonuses at work, extra scholarship money that came from out of nowhere, jobs openings that came right in time, discounts on services because my husband is a clergy member, meals and extra food galore, free babysitting...I could seriously go on and on and on. We have been blessed with the most amazing church family who have literally been the hands and feet of Jesus to my family and who God has used to bless our family more than they will ever know. Not only has God provided for us with monetary things, but He has also blessed us with amazing relationships with people that we would have never had the pleasure of knowing had we not relied on Him for all we have.
While this journey has been a difficult one for me, I can say it has allowed me to testify of the goodness of God in my life. What I love about a testimony is that it's your story and no one, no matter who they are and what they believe, can argue or mess with your experience. It belongs to you and it is precious and deserves to be treasured. God has always provided for me. He has never fallen short and He has never failed me. God has never abandoned me. I am continuing to learn to trust Him with all that I have and all that I am. It isn't always easy, but I can assure you that if you give yourself to God and trust Him with all that you have, God will enrich and bless your life in immeasurable and unexplainable ways. It is now my joy and honor to give because God gave and continues to give to me.
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