"I make milk. What's your superpower?"

I never thought this day would come, but as of a few days ago, Grayson and I are done breastfeeding. There are a lot of feelings that go along with this big step including being sad its over, missing that bond, and the shock that he's about to turn a year old. But I can say that the number one thing I am feeling is proud. I'm proud of myself and I'm proud of my son for being able to breast feed an entire year. It feels like such an accomplishment and a true testament that you can do anything you set your mind to.

Before I had Grayson, I knew I wanted to breast feed, but I was scared I wouldn't be able to. Luckily, I was given the opportunity, but the first few weeks were extremely painful, as all mothers know. I remember Grayson latching on and literally thinking I was going to be sick because of how much it hurt. But I pushed through. We soon got to an awesome place where breastfeeding was relaxing and a bonding experience, as well as, nutritional for Grayson. I was very blessed with an awesome little eater. Grayson never had any issues with breast feeding and that was a true blessing. That didn't mean it wasn't hard or an inconvenience. There were so many times it would have been easier to just make him a bottle of formula and move on with the day. Breastfeeding for a year was my ultimate goal, but I honestly didn't think I would get there. It seemed like such a long shot. Despite the hardships, I'm so happy to say we were able to continue breastfeeding until just very recently. I'm sad that it's over, but so thankful we were able to have that time together. I hope that I was able to give Grayson a great start to life by breastfeeding him. The perks of breastfeeding are endless and although it is tough, the benefits far outweigh the challenges. The pain, pumping, spilt milk, late night feedings, random spot feedings, sacrificing my body for a year (plus pregnancy), judgments, being engorged, constantly having a running clock in my head as to how long its been, rushing home so I can feed the screaming baby who only wants one thing, constantly stressing out that I didn't leave enough pumped milk and even the nipple cream...it was all worth it to be able to get to this day.

This post isn't meant to shame anyone or start any type of argument. Not being able to breast feed or having to cut breastfeeding short doesn't make you any less of a mom, just like having a C-section doesn't discredit you either. I wanted to write this post to encourage any mom out there that you can do what you set your mind to especially when it comes to your children. Being a mother doesn't have to hinder you, but it can and should empower, encourage, and inspire you. It should make you feel strong and unstoppable. I walk away from breastfeeding for a year feeling empowered, confident, and proud. I set my mind to a goal and I did it. And you can do the same. If you are struggling with something in your walk as a mother, I encourage you to keep going and believe in yourself. Remember how much of a Super Woman you already are. As mothers, we have to continue to lift one another up and be a voice of positivity and empowerment to one another. We have to praise and support each other. I hope you are inspired to not only believe that for yourself today, but also be that same encouragement back to other woman and mothers.

What I've Learned as a First-time Mom

As Grayson's first birthday approaches, it's crazy to think I've been a mom for almost a year now. I remember being so nervous for his arrival and thinking I wouldn't know what to do or how to take care of something so small and fragile. What a learning curve it's been! I believe you can only be so prepared before your first child arrives and the rest you just have to learn from experience. And that's what this year has been -- a year of learning and growth through the beautiful, exciting, and challenging experience of becoming a parent! I wanted to share with you a few things I've learned along the way as I've conquered this first year of motherhood. I say conquered because that's how I feel -- what a feat! I survived...and so did Grayson! That's a win in my book! :D I've been thinking about all this first year has taught me and I don't think I could properly document it all or even put it all into words, but these little nuggets of wisdom that have really helped me along the way.


1. You are doing the best you can. Be kind to yourself. This might be the #1 lesson I've learned this year. We all know we can be our own worst critics, but man, I can be so hard on myself! There were days where I would just beat myself up and get so down on myself as a mom. I would feel like I wasn't doing the right thing, wasn't doing enough, and didn't know enough. I would literally be in tears thinking so negatively about myself because I felt clueless as a mom or like I was failing. This might seem extreme but add hormones, lack of sleep, and a crying baby to the mix and it's easier to get to this point than you think! ;) I've since learned to be kinder to myself because I am trying my very best and that's all I can give. There are days where you can do everything in your power and you still might not have a happy child. What makes you a good mother isn't having a perfect baby, but doing your very best to make sure your child is happy, healthy, and loved.

2. A bad moment does not make it a bad day. I think this was a misconception I had entering motherhood. I thought just because my child did something wrong or because I made a mistake, that meant the whole day was shot. I would get down on myself for something bad happening and think about it for the rest of the day. Being a year into motherhood, I realize every day with Grayson has about a million ups and downs. Every day is kind of like a roller coaster, but there's so much good in each day. Now I understand that just because he throws a fit or I don't handle something the right way, that doesn't mean we can't go on to recover from that moment and continue on with our day. I've learned to move on from bad moments and just keep going!

 

3. Your child's ability to do something is not necessarily a reflection of you. This was another biggie for me. There are a million things your child is going to do or not going to do that have nothing to do with your ability as a parent. Yes, there are many things you shape in your child, but they also come out of the womb with their own personality and way of doing things. Grayson has the best little personality and is as silly as can be (not exactly my doing because he just came out like that), but he has struggled with sleeping since day one. I can't tell you the number of times I've thought I was a terrible mother because I couldn't get my child to sleep through the night. While I do think I have some power over this, I also think this is just how he is. He's not a great sleeper. That has nothing to do with me and doesn't make me a bad mom. Continue to try to foster healthy and positive habits with your child, but you aren't a bad parent if things don't go as planned.
 

4. Make your spouse a priority and show them love in front of your child. I remember being pregnant with Grayson and thinking about this, knowing how important it was. Little did I know how difficult it would become once the whirlwind of having a baby arrives. It's not easy to do, but it's so important for your marriage to make time for each other outside of being parents together. I can always tell when Josh and I are due for some alone time when we are really snappy with each other or easily angered. I think having a strong relationship and friendship outside of parenthood allows you to be more forgiving and encouraging when it comes to being parents together. It's also important to be loving to each other in front of your child. That's my goal -- I want Grayson to be grossed out by us when we are 50 and cuddling on the couch in front of his friends! I envy couples who still act like this 30 plus years into marriage. I want Grayson to see that his parents love each other and show it. That's one of the best gifts and examples we can give him! Also, he just smiles so big now when he sees Josh and I kiss or hug. It's like he's thinking...my two favorite people together! :)
 

5. Cherish each moment. Your child grows so quickly. I've heard this phrase my whole life, but I never truly cherished each moment until Grayson came along. He's growing so fast and these days are fleeting, so I constantly find myself taking in each and every moment. During the hard times, other moms have encouraged me and reminded me that nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass. This also holds true for everything in your baby's life. Nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass -- remember to savor the moments, the good and bad!
 

6. Comparison is your worst enemy. DON'T compare your child to other children or yourself to another mom. Just don't do it. Every child is different. Every parent is different. Every situation is different. Comparison is just pointless and it is truly the thief of joy.
 

7. Be present with your child. Your phone, chores, and a clean house can wait. It's easy to browse Facebook, watch TV, get caught up with your to-do list around the house, etc. instead of spending quality time with your child. In the end, I don't care if my house is a mess or what's happening on social media, I want to make memories with Grayson. I also want him to remember me as the kind of mother who was present and not distracted by things that don't really matter. I don't want to miss anything.
 

8. Routine is good, but flexibility is priceless. Learn to go with the flow. There's only so much planning you can do when it comes to a baby. Things are going to pop up each day that are totally unexpected and not at all part of the day you had envisioned. Be flexible and just go with it. I'm all about a "loose" routine because it's nice to have some clue as to how the day will play out and something to "loosely" depend on, but flexibility is your best friend, especially in those first few months when spit up, constant feedings, and poop explosions are running rampant.
 

9. Listen to advice, but don't feel pressured to take it. I'm pretty sure that should be in the "Mommy 101" handbook....everyone is going to have an opinion on how to raise your child and they are going to share it with you on a regular basis. Take what you want and just learn to block out the rest.
 

10. Take time for yourself. I stink at this, but I am slowly getting better. The first probably 6 months of Grayson's life I was pretty much with him every moment I wasn't at work. (I still am, most of the time!) Mom-mode had taken over and I almost forgot about myself completely. But just like when a plane is going down, you have to put an oxygen mask on yourself before your child because if you don't take proper care of yourself then you can't be the best you can be as a mom. It doesn't have to be much, but don't forget to take time out for yourself. I've learned that in order to truly be a great mom, I have to not only be present with my son, but also invest in myself. I wrote this in a past blog post about this particular lesson, "This is still a balancing act for me. I know it probably sounds crazy to some, but it's a very real struggle for me. I'm still trying to find the right balance between being a mom and taking the time for myself. Sometimes showing love to someone isn't by always being present, but by investing in what's important. Sometimes taking the time to care for myself and my marriage is a more significant and impactful act of love. My son deserves the best, the best version of myself and the best set of parents to look up to and learn from. And I am working on giving him those things."
 

11. Don't feel bad for not knowing. You are a first time parent, so don't expect yourself to know much, if anything! You are learning every day and will continue to keep learning as long as you are a parent. Trial and error is really the only way to learn and a constant in our house!
 

12. Embrace the mess. Whether with eating, playing, or just the general state of your house -- it's going to get messy. Just accept it. The mess can be fun and a sign that you have an active, healthy child who has parents that let their child explore and are more worried about playing with their baby than containing the little tornado that follows them around. :) 

13. If you forget something, you'll need it. Once you figure something out, it changes. It's just the law of physics and how it always goes! The one time I forgot a spare outfit for Grayson, he had a very rare poop explosion 10 minutes down the road. Once you find something that's working for your child, they enter a whole new phase and that tactic doesn't work any more. You almost have to start over! Always how it seems to go :)


14. With that being said, every age has its perks and challenges. Each phase comes with a new set of rules and trying to refigure out everything you just felt like you mastered. Enjoy each phase as it comes and remember that the struggles during this phase won't last. The benefits of this phase will probably change too.

 

15. Be persistent and consistent but if something just isn't working -- ditch it. This is probably some of the best advice I've been given. Babies thrive on consistency and it's the best way for them to learn how it's going to be and really establish a routine. It's so important to just keep trying things and not give up. Be persistent in offering them vegetables or staying calm during a tantrum. BUT, if you give something a good solid try and it just isn't working, move on and try a different method!
 

16. There's not necessarily a right and a wrong. There are a million different ways to raise a happy and healthy child. Just because you do things differently than someone else doesn't make one of you right and one of you wrong. You do what works best for you and your family and that's what is right for you.

17. You can do more than you ever thought possible. When people ask me how I've survived the first year, I tell them that it's amazing how you just do what you have to do. You somehow make it and survive periods of time that you never thought you would. An amazing strength comes out of you when you become a mother and you know that you are now responsible for a little life. You naturally become the caretaker, provider, and nurturer and you just do it without even thinking about it. Most of the first few months of Grayson's life are a blur, but we made it through! :)

 

18. Don't live by developmental milestones. Every doctor will tell you what milestones your baby is supposed to hit by what age, but these are averages. Every baby is different meaning there are plenty of healthy and normal kids outside those averages. I got very caught up in the different milestones and started almost panicking when Grayson didn't hit certain milestones when he was "supposed" to. This was a big lesson for me because Grayson has been the opposite of a "textbook" baby. He still doesn't properly crawl, but he walks. He got his first two teeth at 4 months old and hated solids until he was almost 10 months. He still doesn't sleep through the night and he was sitting up on his own before he was 5 months old. He's been all over the board as far as hitting developmental milestones and has done plenty of things out of order (early and late). In the end, he has reached almost every milestone he's supposed to...in his own time and his own way. In the future, I won't stress out so much when my child doesn't do things in the order or way a textbook might suggest. They all get there eventually and that's all that matters.
 

19. Find mom friends. I've always been a big advocate on finding friends in the same phase of life as you are. That doesn't mean you can't keep your old friendships with people who don't have children, but once in a while, it's nice to talk to someone who knows exactly what you are going through and can offer you advice or sympathy. There are days where motherhood feels lonely and overwhelming and that's where mom friends come in with encouragement and understanding!
 

20. Sleep when the baby sleeps. It took me months to start doing this. I am a type A personality all the way, so when Grayson went to sleep my first thought was my long to-do list. I would run myself rampant trying to get things done while he slept while still being exhausted myself. Then when he woke up, I was even more tired and he was rested and ready to go. I'm not saying to always sleep when your baby sleeps because that's not possible or that you have to take multiple naps a day when your baby does, but try to rest some while your baby does and it really does allow you be more productive and efficient (and sane) in the end!
 

21. Learn to accept help. Again, I'm still working on this one. I'm an "all-in" type girl. When I commit to something, I am all-in and I give 100% of myself to that particular thing. I'm not good at accepting help or letting someone do something for me. When you have a new baby, there are days where you just need the help. You may not want it, but you need it anyways. It doesn't make you a bad mom or mean you can't handle your baby if you accept help. It just means you are wise enough to know that it takes a village to raise a child and that even though you wish it were true, you aren't Super Woman. You are human and sometimes you can't do it all on your own.

 

22. Laugh at your mistakes. Having a sense of humor while raising a child is so crucial. If you can't learn to laugh at yourself, you will go crazy, especially while already being sleep-deprived and covered in spit up. Josh and I have laughed so hard at things we've done wrong when it comes to Grayson because we just didn't know any better. Poor first-borns out there! Laughter is good for the soul and so important in parenthood.

23. Who's really the teacher? Your little one will teach you more than you ever teach him or her, especially during the first year. Grayson has taught me so much already and has brought out the best in me. He's helped me learn how to persevere when I didn't think I could keep going. He always reminds me to laugh and have fun. Don't take life so seriously! He's taught me about true, unselfish, and pure love. He's reminded me to accept someone for who they are and that every child is made beautifully unique. Embrace their crazy personality because it's so special. He's shown me that putting yourself last and another person first has never been so rewarding. He's taught me to keep going, don't give up, stay determined, and you will eventually get there. He reminds me how amazing the gift of joy is. Every day life may not be perfect, but I have joy with him in my life. Every day, Grayson surprises me with how much he teaches me. Aren't I supposed to be the one teaching him?!
 

24. Everything is different when it's your child. In the end, you can baby sit as much as you want or practice with little babies you may know, take every class and read every book, but when it's your baby, something is just different. There are no words to explain how it feels when it's yours and how your own natural instincts just kick in. You begin to know your baby better than anyone else and trust your intuition. You may be totally unfamiliar with babies and have never even changed a diaper, but when it's your own baby, none of that matters. Feeding, changing, cleaning up crazy messes...it's so different when it's your own child. Taking care of them becomes a joy even through the chaos. You can have a love for children, but nothing will compare to the love you feel when it's your own. This all-consuming, indescribable, overwhelming love takes over and life is forever different. Forever better.

Year one has been the best year of my life and I can't wait to see what year two has in store! :) Bring on, toddlerhood!

Grayson's 11 Month Update!

 **Originally written on December 2, 2015. Lots has changed since this post was written, but this is how Grayson was doing right at 11 months! Next month will be the last update I post for a while. I will probably do an 18 month update, but the monthly updates will be completed. I know you all are very sad about this! ;)

Grayson is 11 months old! I know I say this every month, but I can't believe another month has passed and he is almost a whole year old! This has been the best year of my life :) Grayson is such a blessing and we are so thankful that he is so loved by many. 

 

Weight & Height: Not sure of Grayson's current weight and height! He goes in for his 12 month check-up next month, so we will get all his current stats then.

Feeding: Grayson is doing a great job with food! He eats more than ever in quantity and variety. Grayson loves yogurt and peanut butter with a passion...if all else fails, feed him these and he will eat them. He is eating more and more table food and really likes meats, casseroles, and pastas. He still eats 1-2 pouches of baby food a day and at least 1 yogurt a day. He is doing well with picking up food and is actually getting it in his mouth! At the very end of the month, I stopped pumping and we started giving Grayson a bottle of formula while I am gone at work. It only equals out to 3 bottles of formula a week, but it is helping slowly wean him off breast milk. He isn't the biggest fan of the formula, but he will take it if he's really hungry. (We only did this for about a week, then started transitioning him to whole milk!) We plan on starting him on whole milk at 11 months, so we will be incorporating that into his meals and offering it as an alternative to formula/breast milk while I'm at work. Right now, he has 2 breast milk feedings a day and 1 at night, but I plan on cutting the 3rd feeding this month and really getting more strict with the weaning process. We will see how he does! There are definitely times where he wants breast milk, but much less than ever. If he is well-fed with solids, he usually does fine without the milk. It's such a strange thing to think that breast feeding is coming to an end. I mean, I've breast fed and pumped at least 3 times (or much more) a day for almost a year now! It is such a part of my routine and life and it will be such a weird change to not be doing it anymore. On the flip side, I am definitely ready. Exclusively breastfeeding for an entire year is a huge commitment and a lot of work, but I'm so very glad I have been able to do it. I do get sad when Grayson goes long periods without wanting my milk and not being "dependent" on me in that way anymore. It's such a bittersweet thing, but I am so grateful for our bond because of breastfeeding.

Sleeping:  Sleep is the same...enough said :) He still gets up once a night (10 min. max.) for a feeding in a 12-13 hour period and goes right back to sleep. He does seem genuinely hungry when he wakes, as opposed to just needing it for comfort. Grayson takes awesome naps most days. He still does best with 2 naps, but usually only takes 1 nap on days he has Mother's Morning Out.

 

Clothes: He is still in a size 4 diaper and is in 9 - 12 month clothing. His clothes are such "little boy" clothes now and I love dressing him!

 

Mood: Grayson is full of so much life, giggles, and curiosity. He is chatty, independent, silly, and about as determined as they come. He does everything in his own way and is probably the opposite of a "textbook baby". He likes to keep us on our toes! He is constantly talking and babbling...really practicing his words and syllables. Grayson's smile lights up a room and his little body can barely contain his big personality. He gives the best hugs and kisses! He is so sweet, loving, and smart! Grayson had pneumonia this month and he dealt with it like a champ! His mood and activity level remained the same...happy and very active! Grayson loves being out in public and is always extremely well-behaved while out. I honestly think he gets bored at home, but when filled with all sorts of new and exciting stimulation, he is wonderful! We are definitely getting closer to toddlerhood as he has been dabbling in tantrums lately when he doesn't get his way...so excited for that! ;) Grayson is still opinionated! He lets us know when he is done eating or doesn't want something by waving his arms in the air, almost blocking the spoon from himself. I actually like it because then I know that he's full! He also growls at us when he wants more of something or isn't particularly happy about something. Ha! 

Teeth:  8! He got his 8th (bottom) tooth at the beginning of this month. Teething hasn't been nearly as bad with these last few teeth.

 

Milestones: Grayson is walking so well! He went from us having to kind of prompt him to walk to letting go of things and standing on his own, as well as, taking steps from one thing to the next. He can walk across a room now! He is still army crawling (refuses to get on his knees) and loves to walk the walls like a spider monkey. He is an expert "cruiser" at this point and is extremely quick! He has recently started pulling up and climbing and is getting better and better at it. He does a really good job of pointing at things now, so it's fun to have an idea of what he sees and likes. Grayson also does things on command and takes instruction quite well (except when I tell him "no, which he laughs at!). You can ask him to do things and he will which is really cool! He is really studying things this month and taking it all in. He is very good at copying what you do or say. He will say "mama", "dada", and "uh oh" on command and will copy different sounds or motions you make. Grayson also goes to other people like a champ now! He does wonderful in his MMO class and does really well with other people!

Loves: Riding in the shopping cart (standing and holding on to steer), pulling up and standing up in the bath tub, brushing his teeth, sweets (surprise surprise), exploring, pulling anything off shelves and tables and throwing the objects on the ground (he has become quite the tornado), playing with anything that isn't a toy (he loves random objects and isn't as interested in baby toys, loves coasters, phones, cords, computers, books, knick knacks, Cedric's food and water bowls, TV trays, etc.), exploring textures (he will just rub his finger up and down your shirt or blanket), putting his finger in your mouth and touching your teeth (another exploratory type thing), trying to get Cedric's bone (they will play together for a good 10-15 min. and "fight" over the bone, thankfully Cedric is so sweet and docile!), beating his chest like Tarzan all the time, and jumping on Cedric.

Things I Want To Remember:

 

--1st Thanksgiving

 

 

 

--Aunt Judy visiting