Friday, October 30, 2015

How Do I Deal With Stress?




Happy Monday, everyone! Is today the epitome of a Monday morning or what?! If you are in the Atlanta area, then you know the monsoon-like weather, crazy traffic jams, and time change adjustment that I am speaking of. Not exactly the most relaxing start to the week! If you are feeling a little overwhelmed, on edge, or just straight up tired this Monday morning, then this post is especially for you! We all have stress in our lives, whether that be Monday morning on a busy week type stress or just everyday life stress. We may think that stress limits itself to those who have a mortgage to pay or food to put on the table or 5 little kids running around, but in fact, stress encompasses all ages. Even our youth are experiencing more stress than we probably did at their age. I found that out last week as I was preparing the lesson for our youth girl's Bible study. I've been part of this particular girl's middle and high school Bible study at our church for almost 2.5 years now. I love investing in young girl's lives especially at this fragile age of peer pressure, awkward middle school years (wasn't it for everyone?!) and coming into your own. I wish I had someone who would have been able to pour spiritual truth and guidance into my life at this age, so I get pretty excited do be able to do that for someone else.

Once in a while, I teach the lesson for the week and this time around, I asked the girls what they wanted me to talk about and what would help them the most. Each week, these girls come to our Bible study with burdens, stresses, and anxiety. They have so much going on in their lives at such a young age and each week they are overwhelmed and just worn out. So to no surprise, they asked me to talk about managing stress and negativity! I thought this was pretty ironic because anyone who knows me knows that I am a very easily stressed individual. I deal with anxiety regularly and usually seem like a little bit of a crazy person compared to my cool-as-a-cucumber, thrives on procrastination, "everything will work out, just relax", scatterbrained but somehow always pulls it off last minute husband. He thrives on the unplanned, spontaneous, and natural eb and flow of life while I retreat to a corner and get out my paper bag to calm my breathing during the potential panic attack that most likely is arising in me during the chaos and confusion of life. Type A personalities unite! God has been teaching me for years about managing stress in my life and it's a constant work in progress for me because I am a natural worrier. Isn't that always how it works though? God uses our weaknesses and stories of restoration to help others by showing them what He's taught us. He rescues us, so that we can then go and rescue others dealing with similar issues. So after some thinking about past experiences and rereading a few posts I've written in this space from the past, I came up with a short list of ways to help deal with stress. This list doesn't just apply to middle and high school girls, but to anyone when they are feeling overwhelmed. I hope these tips bring you some peace and calm next time life gets you down. 

1. Perspective -- the phrase "first-world problems" may be trite, but it has become popular for a reason. During times of major stress in my life, I try to step make and put everything in perspective. It's really easy to get caught up in your particular problem and think the world is coming to an end. Am I the only one who can be a tad on the dramatic side? It's so important to remember to keep perspective. Whatever is causing your anxiety, probably isn't that bad even though in the moment it may seem like it. Sometimes our problems just seem straight up silly and almost laughable when we put them in perspective. I tend to get so sucked into my problems that I forget to take a step back and breathe. When I do, I usually remember how blessed I really am and how a lot of these stresses usually come out of things that are actually blessings in my life. My house is messy? That means I have a roof over my head. I'm not happy about my new responsibilities at work? That means I have a job. My baby is teething and keeping me up all night? That means I'm lucky enough to have a healthy child. My husband left his stuff all over the house again? That means I have someone to share my life with...the good, the bad and the annoying. This method might seem a little corny, but I find that gaining perspective during a difficult time really helps our thankful spirit come out instead of focusing on the negativity. Which brings me to my next point...

2. Positive attitude -- Having a positive attitude is so important these days. I mean have you watched the news recently? It is filled with bad things that are meant to bring us down. It's so easy to be negative in our world today, but a negative attitude is detrimental, especially during stressful seasons of life. I am the first to admit that I sometimes struggle with having a positive attitude and seem to focus on what's going wrong so much more quickly than on what's going right. All this does is accentuate the bad and belittle the good. We define the good and bad in our lives. We have more control over the outlook of our day than we give ourselves credit for. There's always good to outweigh the bad, but we have to evoke the right attitude in order to see that. Plus, who wants to be around someone who is negative and always complaining?! I sure don't. A positive attitude goes a long way in uplifting ourselves on a bad day.

3. Praying -- Are you familiar with the phase, "Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?". I can fall into this trap so easily. It's so effortless to tell people all about your problems, but never bring them to God. I have even been guilty of asking people to pray for me about certain stresses in my life without even praying about them myself. There's a therapeutic aspect to venting to a friend, but I think we often forget about how restorative a conversation with God can be. I find that when I complain to a friend, I might come away feeling better for a little while, but those same problems seem to creep back up. When I bring my struggles to God, He gives me a peace beyond understand and a healing in return. He lifts my burdens off my back and carries them on His own, leaving me feeling weightless and free. Praying takes more discipline than just complaining to a friend or even posting about it on Facebook (yep, we've all done it), but it's a much more beneficial step for us in the end.

4. Past answered prayers -- One of the most powerful ways I deal with stress is thinking about what God has done for me in the past. There are times when I think there's no way a situation is going to work out or a solution to a major problem is ever going to come, but then I stop and think, "Has God ever failed me?". Well....no. I think about the fact that a year ago I had a whole other plethora of problems in my life that have since been resolved. I think about all the prayers I've prayed that have been answered and how God has always given me a solution whether that be something tangible or just letting me know that He is the solution. He's never left me hanging, so why am I thinking He will this time? A calm comes over me when I remember the faithfulness of God in my life knowing that God will continue being reliable and consistent for me.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Grayson's 9 Month Update!

 



I love doing these updates! It's so fun to see the progression. I know the updates are probably too detailed for most, but I treat this as Grayson's online baby book and I don't want to forget anything ;) This update was originally written at the beginning of the month (when he actually turned 9 months old), so things have changed slightly since then. Grayson has officially been out in the world longer than he was in my belly -- he is 9 months old! This month is bittersweet because I realize that his first year of life is quickly coming to a close. He's transitioning from an infant to a toddler right in front of my eyes and is looking more like a little boy these days. With that being said, being his mommy just gets more and more fun. I love my little man! 





Weight & Height: Grayson is 19 lbs. 10 oz. (33rd percentile) and 29 inches long (73rd percentile). He is starting to thin out, but he still has those chunky thighs that I love! ;)





Feeding: Grayson is down to 4 feedings a day including the bedtime feeding. It makes me sad to think breastfeeding him is almost over, but I'm happy that he is naturally weaning himself off breast milk. The solids category is still a work in progress -- but that's okay! Grayson still loves yogurt, puffs, and drinking water out of his sippy cup, but this month, he started eating more table food and doing more baby-led weaning. Grayson is a very independent child and would get so upset that he couldn't hold the spoon when I was feeding him. He prefers to feed himself, as well as, hold and drink out of his cup himself. We have been letting him feed himself more often which he enjoys. I don't know how much food he actually gets in his mouth, but he is getting better and better at it. He likes to eat strawberries, watermelon, eggs, and bits of bread with peanut butter on them. He is eating more and more off my plate and eats what we have for dinner sometimes. Grayson is still eating purees when he is in the mood, but that's more of a random thing right now. He won't eat straight up veggies, so I buy a lot of the fruit and veggie combos and he does okay with those. As a whole, I am seeing a lot of progress in the eating department, so I am happy about that!



Sleeping:  Sleep has been all over the board this month! Grayson was doing much better with his bedtime routine and going to bed earlier. He was only waking up like once a night which is really good for him. But then we went on vacation...and that messed it all up. He slept in the Pack 'N' Play while we were at the beach and really didn't like it. He was up twice each night and woke up at 6am each morning...so much for a vacation! When we got back, he was sleeping absolutely terribly. Like worse than ever. I assumed it was teething, but it continued to get worse. We took him to the doctor and it turned out that he had an ear infection. I felt awful for not knowing it was an ear infection and just thinking he was teething, but to my defense, his symptoms were almost the exact same as when he's teething. Lesson learned. Once he got the right meds, he was sleeping more normal, but still waking up in the night. He was waking more out of habit than anything else and didn't know how to self-soothe himself back to sleep. After talking to the pediatrician, we started letting him cry when he woke up in the night and then going in every 10 minutes and patting his back, reassuring him, and walking out. The goal was to let him know we were there, but not get him out of his crib and not breast feed him for comfort. And this goes without saying, but it's been extremely tough and heartbreaking. No parent wants to do that to their child. On a positive note, it has been working. He has been sleeping so much better and is finally learning to self-soothe. He has been getting in the habit of sleeping from 730-5 or 6am without waking or waking but putting himself back to sleep which is basically a miracle to us. It's all still a work in progress (can you tell that's a theme for us?), but overall, he is slowly becoming a better sleeper and I think the sleep training is working!





Clothes: He is in a size 4 diaper and is in 6-9 and 9 month clothing.
 
 


Mood: Aside from Grayson being sick and having an ear infection, his mood has been great! He did great at the beach and was happy the majority of the time. He is so curious and interested in everything going on around him. He is on-the-go and into everything these days. A very active little boy :) He loves to explore and is entertained by me giving him random objects around the house or out of my purse (lotion caps, anything that shakes or makes noise, a hair tie, etc.)! I love Grayson's silly personality that is starting to come out! He is such a goofball. He has the biggest smile and shares it with everyone. He is doing much better about going to others and usually has good days even if mom and dad aren't around. Josh and I joke because he is so independent in a lot of ways, and yet he can be very clingy. Grayson definitely loves his mommy and daddy! Can't complain there :)
 




Teeth:  Grayson has 6 teeth! He got his 6th tooth the day we left for the beach. I am thankful teething has left us alone this month although it was replaced with an ear infection and constant congestion. The change in weather has left Grayson with a constant runny nose :(
 







 
School: Grayson is doing so much better in Mother's Morning Out and nursery at church. It just took a lot of consistency and persistence. He is happy and learning to have fun with his classmates and teachers. I'm so proud of him! He absolutely loves other children and lights up whenever they are around.
 




Milestones: Grayson now says, "Ma-ma", "Ba-Ba", and "Woah" along with a million other sounds (He is very chatty and vocal!), he also says what sounds like "Yes" and "No", he is "army crawling"!, he is cruising the furniture...I can look away for a second and he is half way across the room!, he can now throw the ball himself when we play catch, he has started baby-led weaning and feeding himself.  
 



Loves: Giving Cedric his dog treat and feeding Cedric his own food (he thinks it's hilarious), sharing and giving you what he has then taking it back (again, hilarious to him), Grayson is a giggle monster and loves to belly laugh!, loves to clap and dance, crawling to Cedric's food and water bowls, loves drumming on everything, loves watching mommy and daddy brush their teeth (random, I know!), loves people watching, swinging at the playground and being outside instantly calms him.
 





Things I Want To Remember:


First hair cut -- I held off on cutting Grayson's hair for a long time. I wanted to wait until he was a year old, but the poor baby couldn't even see, so I gave in (after a lot of peer pressure from my husband!). I am so happy with how his hair looks although it does make him look like a little man. He's so handsome though and I love this length on him! Surprisingly, Grayson did awesome with his first haircut. There were no tears, just lots of driving his "car" ;)





 

 
Grayson's second visit to the beach -- We had a wonderful week with friends and really enjoyed the quality family time together. Grayson was happy the entire trip and really seemed to enjoy the beach!






Aquarium -- We went to the aquarium to celebrate my 27th birthday (you get in free on your birthday, woot woot!) and we had a lot of fun. Josh and Grayson had never been, so it was neat to experience that with them. Grayson was loving the fish!


 

Monday, October 12, 2015

Perfection + Motherhood Just Don't Mix





As everyone has probably figured out by now from my constant posts of my little cutie, I love being a mom. I have always dreamed of being a mom since I was a little girl. I was over the moon when we found out we were expecting our first child. As amazing as it was to watch Grayson grow in my belly and feel his constant kicks, nothing prepared me for the amount of love I would feel when he finally arrived. The love I feel for my son is indescribable and more than I ever thought possible. My heart literally swells when I see him and I am instantly filling with joy. As with any new season, change brings excitement and challenges. You learn new things about yourself and you are tested in different ways. While Grayson brings out a happiness in me that I've never felt before, being a mom has also brought out a lot of insecurity and anxiety within me. Probably not what you were expecting to hear, but it's the truth. I am someone who seeks perfection in life and I am quickly learning that perfection and motherhood just don't mix. In fact, it's almost a laughable concept, but still a lesson I am constantly learning and trying to accept. Little did I know that in raising a child, he might be teaching me more than I am teaching him.

I am someone who always strives for the best. I am a Type A personality all the way and I set really high expectations for myself. I don't handle "failure" well and I can be really hard on myself. Motherhood has really tested my confidence in myself and my abilities. It's challenged me in ways I wasn't expecting or prepared for. There are so many days, most days in fact, that things don't go as planned. Instead of accepting this imperfection as just a part of life and being a parent, I began to internalize these shortcomings and feel like I was failing. I felt like I was failing as a mom and failing at teaching my son all the things he's "supposed" to know and how he's "supposed" to act. On the tough days with Grayson, I felt like I was doing something wrong and I wasn't living up to the mother I thought I would be. I felt disappointed in myself and at a loss because a lot of the issues I was having with him didn't have any easy fix. They would take time, patience, and a lot of grace to conquer.

As I began to feel more insecure as a mother, I started to look at other mothers and babies. I did this mostly for guidance, but it soon became about something much more. I've always struggling with comparing, but becoming a mother has really made my insecurities surface. I started seeing pictures of other babies doing this and that and thinking...why doesn't my child do that? What am I doing wrong? I would hear stories of babies much younger than Grayson eating solids 3 meals a day and sleeping through the night at a few months old (two major ongoing struggles for us) and immediately felt terrible about myself. I would look at the successes of other mothers and their children and deeply question myself and my abilities to parent. Comparison soon became a parasite in my life, sucking a lot of the joy and confidence out of my days. As much as I love social media and keeping up with other moms, sometimes their posts and pictures were challenging to see. It was hard not to feel jealous of their successes while I was over here feeling like I was barely able to keep afloat in this ship called raising a child. There is a quote that says, "Comparison is the thief of joy" and that is so very true. Instead of feeling happy for others, comparison stole the joy right out of my day and brought me so far down. I needed positivity, confidence, and support and comparison was giving me the opposite of that.

As time goes on and with a lot of encouragement from others, I am realizing that my journey as a mother isn't going to be perfect. I'm not going to have a perfect child or have perfect parenting skills. I'm still very new at this and I am constantly learning. My son may not sleep through the night or eat many solids or let other people hold him half the time, but that's okay. Every child is different and each one of them has strengths and weaknesses. And those areas that need improvement aren't necessarily a reflection of my ability to be a good mom. Love is what makes me a good mom (or so I'm told). I love my son so stinkin' much and I am constantly trying my absolute best for him. And at the end of the day, that's all I can do. These insecurities are still something I'm dealing with on a daily basis, but I wanted to share a little bit of my journey with you all. I hope that if there are any other moms out there who also struggle with these things that they know they aren't alone in these fears. No day with your child is going to be perfect, but that doesn't mean it isn't rich in love and joy. And that's what really matters, isn't it? Your ability to be a good mom doesn't hinge on your child hitting milestones or acting angelic all the time. So keep going, keep trying, and keep smiling. Find that inner confidence because you ARE a good mom. It's going to be messy, loud, hard, trying and so much fun...oh the journey of motherhood!