My Stewardship Journey

Every year my church has a month dedicated to talking about Stewardship. Stewardship is (by definition) an ethic that embodies the responsible planning and management of resources. In short, how have you chosen to manage what God has given you? Each Sunday, a family shares their Stewardship Journey, and at the end of the month, we have a time where we pledge what we will give to the church the upcoming year. Each year as different people share their testimony of giving, I always think of how I also have a story. I'm not one who loves to publicly speak (I save that for my husband who is a preacher) and I certainly am not one who wants to discuss the controversial and even awkward topic of money, but each year I feel God tugging at my heartstrings during this Stewardship month. I couldn't help but feel the urge to share my story of giving, not to draw any attention to myself, but to share of God's constant faithfulness in my life. When I think of this particular topic, I just can't stay silent or deny God's hand print stamped all along this road I've traveled. God has weaved together such a beautiful story of giving, providing, faith and trust in my life that I felt compelled to share my Stewardship Journey.

In high school and college, I would see the offering plates pass during the church service and automatically count myself out. I thought I was somehow exempt from giving to the church. The passages in the Bible about giving weren't directed towards me, but "future me" who had it all together and was living a "comfortable" life. How could God expect anything out of a poor high school or college student? When I graduated college and got a full-time job, I began to feel like my excuses were running out. I started tithing each month and I truly was happy I was finally able to give back to the church that had so heavily poured into me and invested in my life. But in all honesty, it wasn't the biggest sacrifice to give at that point. I was living at home with my mom and had very few bills. But, at least it was a start!

Around that time, Josh and I became engaged. We had many discussions about giving to the church once we were married and we both knew that if we didn't implement this discipline from the start, we may never. There would always be something to stand in our way if we let it. So once we got married, we tithed each month. Some months were harder than others, but we always gave something. And God always provided. At that point, we were newlyweds living in a basement apartment in Atlanta and we weren't making much money. We didn't have much, but we always had exactly what we needed. In December of 2013, we bought our first home. It was a dream that I didn't even think would be possible for years to come, but we managed to make it happen and were thrilled about this huge step in our lives. But as everyone knows, "with great power comes great responsibility". We had more, but we also had more to pay for, take care of and manage.

At this point, Josh was still in seminary full-time and working at the church part-time and I was working full-time in Atlanta. While we were working extremely hard, we were struggling to make ends meet. We were staying afloat, but barely. There were many months that we seriously debated not tithing. We could have easily justified it, especially when we added up how much we were tithing each year. It was hard to see those numbers and know what a helpful impact that would have made in other areas of our life. It felt like such a sacrifice and one that I was struggling to make. We were a very young couple who had very little and it would have been easy to tell ourselves that it was okay not to give and somehow talk ourselves out of it. But despite all of the opposition we felt, we continued to give. But I'll be honest; it was a little begrudgingly on my part.

Around this time, I felt like God really moved in my life in the area of stewardship. Being a good steward is effectively managing what God has given you, but that's what I was struggling to see. In my mind, my money, my things, my house, my work ethic, the things I had worked so hard for....they were just that, mine. I finally had the revelation that I was holding on so tightly to things that actually weren't mine, they were God's. I was the first to say how much God had blessed me, but I wasn't willing to admit that everything I had was because of Him. Everything I had was His. It was really easy to look at the things I had and think, "I worked hard for those things. I earned those things on my own." But in actuality, God had given me a job. He had blessed me with parents who taught me how to work hard and how to manage my money well. God had given me the motivation, dedication, and passions that I had. When I finally accepted that everything I had wasn't even mine to begin with, giving became a whole lot easier. I began to understand the true concept of stewardship which is managing what God has given me not hoarding and keeping from God what was His to begin with. I also started to understand the concept that giving didn't mean just giving my money. Giving meant sharing my time, talents, abilities, and spiritual gifts with the church, the church body, and my community. God gave me those gifts to share with others, not keep to myself.

While this concept might seem constraining or even imprisoning to some, it has been the most freeing experience for me. If anything, it has opened my eyes up to all that God has given me. And wow, I am one blessed woman! Instead of feeling like nothing is mine, I am filled with peace knowing these things are God's, I am God's and God takes care of His sheep. This is where my story gets emotional for me and if you have made it this far in reading this, I promise this is where I was going all along. God has provided for me and my family in phenomenal ways. I am a worrier by nature and I cannot tell you how many times I was convinced that we weren't going to make it, but we have never, ever gone without. God has given my family exactly what we need right when we need it and not a second sooner. This journey has pushed my faith and trust in Christ in ways I had never experienced. I have been forced to rely on Him to come through for me and He always does. We have received everything from used furniture, diapers for my son, used toys & clothes, money for a suit for my husband to preach in, random bonuses at work, extra scholarship money that came from out of nowhere, jobs openings that came right in time, discounts on services because my husband is a clergy member, meals and extra food galore, free babysitting...I could seriously go on and on and on. We have been blessed with the most amazing church family who have literally been the hands and feet of Jesus to my family and who God has used to bless our family more than they will ever know. Not only has God provided for us with monetary things, but He has also blessed us with amazing relationships with people that we would have never had the pleasure of knowing had we not relied on Him for all we have.

While this journey has been a difficult one for me, I can say it has allowed me to testify of the goodness of God in my life. What I love about a testimony is that it's your story and no one, no matter who they are and what they believe, can argue or mess with your experience. It belongs to you and it is precious and deserves to be treasured. God has always provided for me. He has never fallen short and He has never failed me. God has never abandoned me. I am continuing to learn to trust Him with all that I have and all that I am. It isn't always easy, but I can assure you that if you give yourself to God and trust Him with all that you have, God will enrich and bless your life in immeasurable and unexplainable ways. It is now my joy and honor to give because God gave and continues to give to me. 

LETTING GO

It's interesting to me that lessons meant for children or youth, always hit me harder as an adult. The kids may walk away learning nothing, but I find myself touched and intrigued by the simplicity of the message.  This happens often during our youth group. My husband is the youth pastor and the funny thing is that because of our busy lives, we rarely discuss what will be happening at youth group beforehand. I usually don't know what he will be speaking about and I hear it all for the first time with everyone else. Our simple talks with the youth tend to resonate with me more so than any complex teaching I ever receive.

This week we talked about God's promises. Josh taught us about the concept of a covenant or an agreement that God makes with us. Of course, there are times when we don't uphold our end of the bargain, but He remains true in His promises to us always. He never fails to keep His end of the deal. Knowing that, we then looked at the commitments He had made to us throughout scripture. Among the plethora of promises God has made to us, we found one that particularly stuck out because of the New Year. God says to us, "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."  In these verses, He is showing us that if we just let go of the past, He will do a new thing within us. He desires that for us, not to be stuck in the past but to give us a future full of hope. He wants us to be excited about what is to come! God wants to carve a new path for us, if only we would let Him.

 

I've heard this verse many times, but as someone who struggles with letting things go and moving forward, it convicts me each time I hear it. I had a wonderful 2013, but it wasn't perfect. Like anyone, I made some mistakes and bad choices. I held onto grudges and fears. I struggled to forgive when others had wronged me. I would definitely say 2013 was a pruning year for me, where God showed me areas of my life that needed work and slowly began molding me into the wife, daughter, friend, co-worker, etc. that He has called me to be. He showed me the things I needed to let go of: selfishness, pride, irritability, anger, self-consciousness, not trusting, anxiousness...just to name a few. I had to learn some of these lessons the hard way and anyone who has ever felt the Lord trimming away their problem areas knows it isn't easy. It was a year filled with growth, but I still have a long way to go. Too often we put our focus on the past and on all these things I've listed from my 2013 that I'm not too proud of. There is nothing we can do about the events that have already passed, yet Satan loves to torture us with them. The past can preoccupy our minds, but nothing about it will ever change. It's a pointless battle that we need to retreat from.

I take this verse as a challenge for this year. God is holding His hand out to me, to all of us, asking us to let go of what is currently in our hands occupying our time and energy and put that weight down, so that we can grab ahold of Him and what He has for us in 2014. To symbolize this, our youth group lit sky lanterns and released them to show everyone including ourselves that we are putting the past behind us and embracing everything that we are trusting the Lord to do in the New Year. It was one of the coolest things I've ever done and it was very meaningful for all of us. We didn't let them go individually, but all together. We are in this together. Here's to 2014 and the great things that we know are to come!