We all have mess. We all have issues. We all have lots of stuff going on. Everyone has things in their lives that don't quite look like they had planned. Some days it seems like everything is under control despite the laundry list of tasks to get accomplished we all have in the back of our minds. Other days, the chaos of life takes control and it all becomes a little too overwhelming. That is how last week went for me.
Right now, I have a lot going on. I work 40 plus hours a week, commute, clean, cook, and keep our household organized. I am active in my church and with our youth group. I spend time with friends and family. I pay bills, budget our limited income and resources, grocery shop, take care of our dog and meal plan. I'm expecting, a new mom-to-be, and trying to have a healthy pregnancy. I'm planning for the next 5 months before the baby arrives and the 5 months after the baby is here. I'm preparing for motherhood and still working on being a better spouse to my husband. Like I said, I have a lot going on. My mind is always busy thinking about what I need to get done and scheming about how to best accomplish it all. The problem is that I'm a multi-tasker, a controller, a fixer, and a perfectionist. I'm also hormonal! These qualities put together can be a toss-up of the key to my success or my ultimate downfall.
I started off last week with a lot on my plate which is pretty typical, but each day the weight on my shoulders just got heavier. There were a lot of unexpected expenses that came up and my to-do list wasn't getting checked off quick enough before another set of tasks were piled on. I was extremely stressed and had way too much going on. My mind was racing trying to figure out exactly how I was going to get it all accomplished and I soon became irritable, tense, and on the verge of a breakdown. I took all of these burdens on as my own and felt like I needed to be the one to fix all of them. Instead of relying on God, I let my circumstances and emotions get the best of me. Finally, something small happened and it was the straw that broke the camel's back. The flood gates opened and I was an emotional wreck. This buildup I had been experiencing and holding in all week finally came out. I felt defeated and scared. I was overwhelmed and there was no quick fix solution to make it all go away. The stress I had put on myself was creating stress and tension in other relationships in my life and I'm sure most people were steering clear of me by the end of the week because I was just a wreck and not very fun to be around. Life had beaten me down and I couldn't quite figure out how to get back up.
This week, I'm putting last week behind me and starting fresh. After I finally broke down, I realized how much of this I had been holding on to and holding inside. I was holding on for dear life unwilling to relinquish control. I hadn't been praying about it and I hadn't even tried to give my burdens to God. I was trying to do it all myself and let's face it, it wasn't working out so well. God spoke to me a lot this weekend and reminded me that each day presents challenges of its own. I need to come to Him every day and lay my burdens at His feet. It isn't a one-time thing, but a continual process. If I don't do this daily, I am missing out on the full and abundant life that God intends for me. I hadn't been resting in Him and I could tell because I felt emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. The constant battle I was fighting had taken all the energy I had. I hadn't been still before God, in fact I hadn't sat still all week. I was too busy running around like a crazy lady checking off a to-do list and worrying about problems that can't be resolved in one day. This week, I'm practicing giving up all my troubles to God and allowing Him to fill me with peace, knowing He has it under control. I am going to wipe my hands clean of the things I can't control or fix and accept that I can only do so much with the things I do have the ability to control. The Lord will fight for me; all I have to do is be still.
God can make something beautiful out of a mess. He can restore hurting relationships and rejuvenate our tired souls. He can accomplish things beyond our wildest dreams. God offers us rest, hope, peace and restoration. He will fill us up and allow us to keep going when we feel like we don't have the strength to go on...if we would only just let Him. If any of this resonates with you, I challenge you to lay all of your troubles at God's feet and just be still before Him. Relinquish that control.You might be amazed at what He can do once we finally let go. Like I said, we all have messes in our lives, but how we deal with it is really what defines us.
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