Ch-Ch-Changes

My husband recently told me that the longer he is married to me, the more he realizes how much I don't like change. This statement caught me off guard, but after thinking about it for a few seconds, I wholeheartedly agreed. I really don't like change.

They say that the only thing that remains constant in life is change. That it is really the one thing you can always depend on happening. The older I get, the more rapidly the changes come. In the past few years, I have had many, many friends get married, move, have babies, and change their whole lives; myself being one of them. My life has also been altered in hundreds of small and large ways over the years. And let's just say those changes weren't usually joyfully embraced. I have always struggled with things being different from what they once were. I like the comfort of routine and dependability. I cling tightly to the things and people that I love, expecting them to always be there. In fact because of that, I have major issues with giving up on any kind of friendship. I will put the effort into it until the very end, because I just can't accept losing a friend or things changing between us. Even if it's for the best.

This fear of change has been very present in my life recently. My very best friend just moved to Florida. She is the first friend I've had move to another state and I have to admit that saying it's been tough would be an understatement. I have really been having a hard time accepting this change and all the other changes that have come along with it. My brother is also interviewing with a company in Dallas, Texas. There is a good chance that he will be moving to Dallas very soon. My first reaction was pure happiness for him. I am really proud of him for going after what he wants. But once I realized that him moving away is a very real possibility, I instantly became on the verge of tears. It will be a tough change to deal with when the time comes. I am being forced to open up my eyes to the reality that I am getting older and people do move away from where they grew up especially at this age. Things aren't going to stay the same forever. This isn't a foreign concept to many, but to me it feels like another language entirely.

Coming face-to-face with my fear of change each day, I am learning that it is never going to go away. It's here for good, so I might as well embrace it. I must keep moving forward while letting certain people or situations go along the way. I am slowly accepting that it is actually healthy to allow change in my life. It's a good thing. Change has brought me to the place I am now and I must say I'm pretty darn happy here. The good things in life can't come without discomfort, without hard times, without change. So I will slowly loosen my grips and let go, knowing that the best changes are yet to come.