"I Need To Be Skinnier"

I haven't written too much about health on this blog, but being healthy and in shape is a big part of my life. I've had my ups and downs with weight over the years. I've gone through very healthy and somewhat unhealthy phases. If you are a woman reading this, then I feel like you will be able to relate on some level. Women constantly worry about weight and appearance. The older we get, the worse this obsession becomes. I see so many women going to extremes to achieve their goal weight or a certain look. It makes me sick to watch. I'm here to share my personal health journey and hope that it will inspire some of you to see that leading a healthy life doesn't have to be all about counting calories and spending countless hours in the gym. It takes some self-love and dedication to not becoming skinny, but becoming healthy (physically AND mentally).

From the time I was young, I have always worried about weight. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at age 11 and was considered overweight for my age at that point. Before my diagnosis, I just thought I was rapidly gaining weight and can remember being conscious of what I put into my body at an early age. In the 3rd grade, I started drinking water instead of juice. I tried to eat more fruits and vegetables and to cut out sweets. I was already trying to "diet" because I didn't like how I looked. After I got on the right medication, the pounds began to shed and I got back to my natural weight.

I was on the track and cross county teams in middle and high school, so I was constantly running. That definitely helped me stay in shape in my teens, but I still stayed close to the scale to constantly check my weight. I have always eaten fairly healthy and had a love for healthy foods. I also have a love for sweets. So when I got to college, I was amazed by the plethora of food I saw everywhere. I had a 24/7 access pass to the dining hall and went out to eat Waffle House in the middle of the night regularly with friends. The pounds started coming back on. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was my heaviest in college. I would work out regularly, but I would also binge eat and go to bed extremely full on a regular basis. I overate and believed I needed way too many calories to keep my body going. I was truly uneducated about what being healthy really meant.

My senior year of college after Christmas break, I decided I needed to go on a "diet". My weight was at an all-time high and I wanted to get down to what I had been in high school. I started eating healthy and working out, but I was a bit obsessive about it. I went to the gym 5-6 days a week in college and felt like something was off if I wasn't there. I thought I needed to be there in order to not gain weight. While this isn't a crazy extreme, my mindset was unhealthy. A few weeks before graduation, I reached my goal weight. But looking back, I didn't do it in the healthiest way. I wasn't consuming enough calories and was pushing myself to the limit. I believed that if I just ate less, then I wouldn't have to work out as much and I could still be "skinny". While that was true, it was difficult to maintain. I gained some of the weight back after graduation and it was hard to step on that scale.

When I got engaged, I started losing weight again, not on purpose this time but because of stress and busyness. I began eating slightly less calories but also letting myself indulge. I didn't feel like I was depriving myself anymore. I was working out, but only 3 days a week, nothing extreme. It was through that method and putting less focus on weight than I ever had, that I got to my skinniest and healthiest state. Pretty ironic, huh?

I'm not saying this method works for everyone, but I can say that I have been able to maintain a weight I am very happy with while still being healthy for almost a year and a half. I work out, but I don't live at the gym. I eat healthy, but I also eat unhealthy sometimes. I am not constantly counting calories. Everything in moderation is my new personal slogan. I have seen a change in my body and my mind by putting less emphasis on the scale and more on being a happier person all around. I am happier, healthier, and skinnier when I take the pressure off of myself and decrease my intensity with trying to be thin. I changed my focus and it worked.

I was inspired to write this particular blog after constantly seeing women who hate on themselves and who put every ounce of their being into reaching their goal weight. Even if you look on Pinterest, there are a million recipes on how to make things differently to cut calories. I think healthy choices are very important, but eating a little less of something with a higher calorie content and feeling satisfied instead of deprived is okay too. Don't get caught up in everything "diet" and "skinny". Eat a piece of cake, just don't eat 5. Depriving yourself is NOT the solution to a healthy life, but loving yourself is. Everywhere we look; there is pressure to be smaller, to push ourselves, our bodies, and our minds to the extreme. Moderation is key. Lifestyle changes are more effective than diets. Eat in moderation, workout in moderation, and dedicate your time and energy to being thinner in moderation. The scale may not look different, but that doesn't mean that you aren't getting results. Throw the scale out if you have to in order to focus on being healthy (physically and mentally) not skinny. You will be a much healthier and happier person in the long run.