FRIENDS

Each season of life is unique in its own way and each comes with different struggles and adaptations, but I must say that the phase in between college and "real" adulthood is by far the strangest I have yet experienced. You are technically an adult, but you wouldn't consider yourself one. You are left learning to navigate for yourself without the roadmap you have always held -- you don't know how this time period is supposed to look. There is no right or wrong answer which makes it harder to make decisions. You determine where you want to go and you have to figure out exactly how you will deal with and adjust to the changing circumstances. It's funny how things change when you get older, things that you would never expect. There are certain trials that happen in life that no one tells you about. There is no warning or preparation; it just happens. Sometimes you just aren't prepared for everything that growing up entails.

In high school and college, I definitely would have defined myself as a social butterfly. I was always out and about doing things with friends. You would rarely find me home on the weekends because I made it a point to fill up my schedule. In college, I regularly had lunch/dinner dates with girlfriends and would go to the gym or go running with friends. It was very rare when it was just the roommates in our townhouse because we always had people over. I kept myself busy and constantly in contact with everyone because in college there are almost always people around at all times in the day. You have to try really hard to fit a quiet moment to yourself in. I wasn't used to spending much time alone or struggling with friendships.

When I graduated and moved home, things changed. My once booming social life soon began to dwindle and I struggled to maintain friendships, let alone make new ones. No one ever warned me about this particular dilemma. I never realized that part of my life was going to change so drastically. I have now been out of college for 2.5 years and I am still dealing with this change. It's a lot harder to make friends when you are older and tend to see the same people day in and day out. I don't come in contact with as nearly as many people as I did when I was in school. It's also harder to keep friends because we don't live as close anymore and people tend to be scattered in different cities or even different states. It's not as easy to just call someone and ask to hang out spur of the moment. Everything has to be planned and scheduled. It's an awkward phase and it was tough for me.

Life seemed to get in the way of what used to be one of my first priorities, my friends. Many nights when my husband would have a night class, I would dread going home because I knew I would be there alone with nothing to do. When there were things to do, I wasn't always able to make it to hang out like I used to because of work or the long drive. I missed out on fun events because I had to be up early the next day or I wanted to spend rare quality time with my husband. There were also times where I just didn't get invited to hang out with friends like I used to. I was sometimes forgotten or maybe just not as close to that group anymore. I've had friends move, get married, get new jobs, get in consuming relationships, etc. and they weren't around to spend much time together anymore. Some people assumed that because I was now married, I wouldn't be as interested in spending time with friends as I once was. This was completely false, but I noticed myself getting invited to do less and less. I found myself almost always being the one who had to make the effort to make the friendship happen. It hurt and it was hard for me to see other people having so many "friends" when I felt like I had very few who were truly there for me.

I slowly realized that I wasn't the only person in this boat. I actually found out that many people my age dealt with the same problem and also felt like I did. Little did I know, I wasn't alone in this at all. It's still hard for me, but I am becoming more content with the friends that God has blessed me with. Getting older has allowed me to have less surface level friendships with lots of people and instead dig deep into a few friendships that really matter. It has taught me to cherish the friends that I do have because I know how hard real friends are to come by. It has drawn me closer to loved ones knowing that these people are worth investing in because they will be there for me until the end. I've gained a brand new perspective and a deeper understanding of relationships as a whole. I am also learning that there are times where I will just have to accept being alone and that's perfectly okay.

No matter how happy I am with my marriage, my family, my job, my church...I will always crave genuine friendships. It took me a while to realize this, but I still have those friendships. They may look different as I get older and they might require a little bit more effort, but they are still there.