When "Happily Ever After" Hasn't Come Yet

In our world today, we are programmed to believe that every story, every conflict, every struggle ends in a "happily ever after" fashion. Each problem we face must conclude with a tidy ending wrapped up neatly with a bow on top. With movies and TV as our example and the instant gratification mentality that our society has acquired, it's no wonder we expect instant answers and quick resolution. But what happens when certain seasons of life don't play out in the way we expect? What if there isn't a quick fix to the problems we are facing? What if things don't just work out?

I've been in such a strange season of life recently. I'm getting older and life is changing rapidly right before my eyes. Friends are scattered and in different phases of life. Work is more of a duty than a source of passion and fulfillment. Being a wife and a mother is on the forefront of my mind most hours of most days. I can feel myself slipping away from my old life while this new phase takes over. In so many ways, this is such a joyful and meaningful time. I am so very happy in many aspects of my life, but on the flip side, this season of life is very challenging and sometimes lonely. Friendships are changing, my purpose is evolving, and the sense of community that I once felt seems to be fleeting. It's easy to feel a little lost in all the changes. That question of "Who am I?" keeps coming back in my mind as I feel like I am almost redefining myself through this season of life. Some days feel a lot like going through the fire to hopefully come out better on the other side. It's such a confusing time.

I've gone to God many times at this point and just asked "why"? Why am I going through this season and why do I feel so alone in it sometimes? Why do things have to change and why haven't You provided me with the solution to how I'm feeling? Why does life give us seasons that are so paradoxical and inconsistent? I kept asking these questions and looking for the lesson that God was trying to teach me through all of this. I kept wanting the pain to be quick and the healing to show itself instantly. I kept waiting on the "Great Provider" to give me what I was longing for. I figured, I'll just have faith and He will come through. God will get me out of this "pit" and give me a magical rope to pull myself out. He is going to change my situation, just you wait.

As time went on, I felt worn down from the struggles I was facing and felt like things weren't changing at all. I had waited and waited, made every effort I could, and things were still the same. What the heck, God? What are you doing here? It's taken me a while to see it, but I feel like God is teaching me a huge lesson through this season. And it doesn't have a fairy tale ending...at least not yet. This story involves things staying the same and me being the one to (begrudgingly) change. I'm striving to be content in this season even though things aren't exactly how I wish they were. I'm reminded to be thankful for all the things I do have and all the things that are going as I hoped. Sometimes no matter how much we wish, there isn't always a quick and easy fix to our trials and tribulations. Sometimes the answer is just learning to lean more and more into God and find your comfort and strength in the one thing that will never change. I don't know how this story ends yet, but I continue to have faith. And I urge you to do the same. When "happily ever after" hasn't come yet....that's when you keep going, keep believing, keep trusting. But you can also let yourself be disappointed. Let yourself ask the hard questions. Not every season of life has a picture perfect ending. Sometimes the struggle continues and that's okay. I'm learning to accept that and I hope you do too.

How Do I Deal With Stress?

Happy Monday, everyone! Is today the epitome of a Monday morning or what?! If you are in the Atlanta area, then you know the monsoon-like weather, crazy traffic jams, and time change adjustment that I am speaking of. Not exactly the most relaxing start to the week! If you are feeling a little overwhelmed, on edge, or just straight up tired this Monday morning, then this post is especially for you! We all have stress in our lives, whether that be Monday morning on a busy week type stress or just everyday life stress. We may think that stress limits itself to those who have a mortgage to pay or food to put on the table or 5 little kids running around, but in fact, stress encompasses all ages. Even our youth are experiencing more stress than we probably did at their age. I found that out last week as I was preparing the lesson for our youth girl's Bible study. I've been part of this particular girl's middle and high school Bible study at our church for almost 2.5 years now. I love investing in young girl's lives especially at this fragile age of peer pressure, awkward middle school years (wasn't it for everyone?!) and coming into your own. I wish I had someone who would have been able to pour spiritual truth and guidance into my life at this age, so I get pretty excited do be able to do that for someone else.

Once in a while, I teach the lesson for the week and this time around, I asked the girls what they wanted me to talk about and what would help them the most. Each week, these girls come to our Bible study with burdens, stresses, and anxiety. They have so much going on in their lives at such a young age and each week they are overwhelmed and just worn out. So to no surprise, they asked me to talk about managing stress and negativity! I thought this was pretty ironic because anyone who knows me knows that I am a very easily stressed individual. I deal with anxiety regularly and usually seem like a little bit of a crazy person compared to my cool-as-a-cucumber, thrives on procrastination, "everything will work out, just relax", scatterbrained but somehow always pulls it off last minute husband. He thrives on the unplanned, spontaneous, and natural eb and flow of life while I retreat to a corner and get out my paper bag to calm my breathing during the potential panic attack that most likely is arising in me during the chaos and confusion of life. Type A personalities unite! God has been teaching me for years about managing stress in my life and it's a constant work in progress for me because I am a natural worrier. Isn't that always how it works though? God uses our weaknesses and stories of restoration to help others by showing them what He's taught us. He rescues us, so that we can then go and rescue others dealing with similar issues. So after some thinking about past experiences and rereading a few posts I've written in this space from the past, I came up with a short list of ways to help deal with stress. This list doesn't just apply to middle and high school girls, but to anyone when they are feeling overwhelmed. I hope these tips bring you some peace and calm next time life gets you down. 

1. Perspective -- the phrase "first-world problems" may be trite, but it has become popular for a reason. During times of major stress in my life, I try to step make and put everything in perspective. It's really easy to get caught up in your particular problem and think the world is coming to an end. Am I the only one who can be a tad on the dramatic side? It's so important to remember to keep perspective. Whatever is causing your anxiety, probably isn't that bad even though in the moment it may seem like it. Sometimes our problems just seem straight up silly and almost laughable when we put them in perspective. I tend to get so sucked into my problems that I forget to take a step back and breathe. When I do, I usually remember how blessed I really am and how a lot of these stresses usually come out of things that are actually blessings in my life. My house is messy? That means I have a roof over my head. I'm not happy about my new responsibilities at work? That means I have a job. My baby is teething and keeping me up all night? That means I'm lucky enough to have a healthy child. My husband left his stuff all over the house again? That means I have someone to share my life with...the good, the bad and the annoying. This method might seem a little corny, but I find that gaining perspective during a difficult time really helps our thankful spirit come out instead of focusing on the negativity. Which brings me to my next point...

2. Positive attitude -- Having a positive attitude is so important these days. I mean have you watched the news recently? It is filled with bad things that are meant to bring us down. It's so easy to be negative in our world today, but a negative attitude is detrimental, especially during stressful seasons of life. I am the first to admit that I sometimes struggle with having a positive attitude and seem to focus on what's going wrong so much more quickly than on what's going right. All this does is accentuate the bad and belittle the good. We define the good and bad in our lives. We have more control over the outlook of our day than we give ourselves credit for. There's always good to outweigh the bad, but we have to evoke the right attitude in order to see that. Plus, who wants to be around someone who is negative and always complaining?! I sure don't. A positive attitude goes a long way in uplifting ourselves on a bad day.

3. Praying -- Are you familiar with the phase, "Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?". I can fall into this trap so easily. It's so effortless to tell people all about your problems, but never bring them to God. I have even been guilty of asking people to pray for me about certain stresses in my life without even praying about them myself. There's a therapeutic aspect to venting to a friend, but I think we often forget about how restorative a conversation with God can be. I find that when I complain to a friend, I might come away feeling better for a little while, but those same problems seem to creep back up. When I bring my struggles to God, He gives me a peace beyond understand and a healing in return. He lifts my burdens off my back and carries them on His own, leaving me feeling weightless and free. Praying takes more discipline than just complaining to a friend or even posting about it on Facebook (yep, we've all done it), but it's a much more beneficial step for us in the end.

4. Past answered prayers -- One of the most powerful ways I deal with stress is thinking about what God has done for me in the past. There are times when I think there's no way a situation is going to work out or a solution to a major problem is ever going to come, but then I stop and think, "Has God ever failed me?". Well....no. I think about the fact that a year ago I had a whole other plethora of problems in my life that have since been resolved. I think about all the prayers I've prayed that have been answered and how God has always given me a solution whether that be something tangible or just letting me know that He is the solution. He's never left me hanging, so why am I thinking He will this time? A calm comes over me when I remember the faithfulness of God in my life knowing that God will continue being reliable and consistent for me.

Anxiety

Hello, my name is Brittany and I am a type A person. I liked order, control, and routine. I actually get a weird euphoria from making a list, checking things off said list, and completing tasks. I've never been a fan of change and am ridiculously predictable. I'm also emotional, sensitive, and tend to get overwhelmed easily. All that to say that I really struggle with anxiety and it has only gotten worse as I get older and as life gets more complicated, challenging, and overwhelming.

I actually had no idea I even dealt with anxiety until my senior year of college. I double majored and really wanted to graduate on time (and get the heck out of that place...I was so done!), so I ended up taking 18 credit hours my last 2 semesters. Crazy, I know, but I was determined to pull it off. In October of my senior year, I was more stressed than ever. My course load was overwhelming and the tension sat heavily on my shoulders. One day that fall, I had a particularly bad day. A few things happened that added to my already high stress level and everything finally culminated. I was late to class and found myself almost running to get there on time. I sat in my seat and my thoughts began to race. I had so much going on, so much to do...how was I going to pull this all off? It was just too much for me to handle. All of the sudden, my heart started racing, my hands started shaking and began to go numb. I couldn't catch my breath and it felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I was really scared, but I couldn't stop what was taking place. After my class ended, I simple Googled my symptoms and quickly found out that I had just experienced my first ever panic attack.

When I realized that all of my anxiety and stress had actually caused a panic attack, I knew something had to change. I mean nothing in my life was that bad. I quickly realized that I never needed to get so worked up about something that I would lose control of my body's reaction. But unfortunately, that is where the problem lies for me. Getting worked up, anxious, overwhelmed...it's just in my nature. My thoughts race and soon they are out of control. My body is tense and my vision is only focused on the issues at hand. I naturally do these things when I am stressed. And I get stressed quite quickly. The more I thought about it, I realized I had dealt with anxiety my entire life but had just never put a name to it. Flashbacks of moments throughout my life went through my head and I realized that I had experienced anxiety since I was a child. Now that I knew what I was dealing with, how was I going to fix it?

At first I just told myself I needed to relax. Then I went through a period a few years ago where I was going through a lot of life changes. I had graduated college, was living at home, was at a loss as to what I wanted to do with my life, and I was in a new, exciting but quickly becoming serious relationship. All of these changes scared me to be quite honest. I seriously debated getting on anti-anxiety medicine. I really didn't want to, but I also didn't want to be on edge on the time. I needed peace of mind and I was willing to do just about anything to get it. In the end, I never got on the medication. There is nothing wrong with doing that, but I felt like my type of anxiety was a battle that I could fight on my own. If only I had the right tools and the will to withstand giving in to it.

The more I studied, I realized that anxiety was also a spiritual battle for me. It was a way for the devil to get to me and bring me down, and boy, did it work. Slowly I would completely lose focus on what God was doing in my life and what He was trying to teach me. I would get so consumed that gratitude, appreciation, and perspective completely left me. I would get so sucked in to the lies that I would forget God's perfect and peace-giving truth. This anxiety, well it was disabling me from being productive, happy, and serving God in the way I should -- filled with joy and peace. I wanted to be able to focus on what really mattered and let the rest fall away. But that, for an anxiety-prone person like me, takes a lot of work. I have to fight my natural tendencies and really, I have to fight myself.

Anxiety is something I still deal with today. It's an issue that has recently come up again in my life due to all the changes, crazy schedules, lack of sleep, and just general busyness of my life. What I came to accept is that everyone's life is busy. Everyone has their plate full. It's just finding a healthy way to deal with it that is the key. So for me, I am constantly trying to:

• Calm down and take a breath
• Slow my thoughts -- they tend to be racing
• Keep perspective --these are first-world problems, after all
• Remember my blessings -- I have SO many! My life is awesome.
• Accept that life will go on if everything is not done
• Things don't have to and will not be perfect, and that's okay
• Relax, watch tv, or take time to not think -- turn my brain off for a while
• Get out and take a walk, run, or spend time with my family -- they are what truly matters to me
• Read my Bible, meditate on scriptures, pray, and let God fill me what the joy and peace He promises
• Enjoy life -- I only have one life, I need to enjoy it!

This is a small insight at my struggle with anxiety. This is me being transparent and honest. I hope that this post encourages someone in some way. Hopefully it at least serves as a reminder that if you too struggle with anxiety, you are not alone. We are all in this together. These internal battles are hard to overcome, but it is possible. One step at a time.