When "Happily Ever After" Hasn't Come Yet

In our world today, we are programmed to believe that every story, every conflict, every struggle ends in a "happily ever after" fashion. Each problem we face must conclude with a tidy ending wrapped up neatly with a bow on top. With movies and TV as our example and the instant gratification mentality that our society has acquired, it's no wonder we expect instant answers and quick resolution. But what happens when certain seasons of life don't play out in the way we expect? What if there isn't a quick fix to the problems we are facing? What if things don't just work out?

I've been in such a strange season of life recently. I'm getting older and life is changing rapidly right before my eyes. Friends are scattered and in different phases of life. Work is more of a duty than a source of passion and fulfillment. Being a wife and a mother is on the forefront of my mind most hours of most days. I can feel myself slipping away from my old life while this new phase takes over. In so many ways, this is such a joyful and meaningful time. I am so very happy in many aspects of my life, but on the flip side, this season of life is very challenging and sometimes lonely. Friendships are changing, my purpose is evolving, and the sense of community that I once felt seems to be fleeting. It's easy to feel a little lost in all the changes. That question of "Who am I?" keeps coming back in my mind as I feel like I am almost redefining myself through this season of life. Some days feel a lot like going through the fire to hopefully come out better on the other side. It's such a confusing time.

I've gone to God many times at this point and just asked "why"? Why am I going through this season and why do I feel so alone in it sometimes? Why do things have to change and why haven't You provided me with the solution to how I'm feeling? Why does life give us seasons that are so paradoxical and inconsistent? I kept asking these questions and looking for the lesson that God was trying to teach me through all of this. I kept wanting the pain to be quick and the healing to show itself instantly. I kept waiting on the "Great Provider" to give me what I was longing for. I figured, I'll just have faith and He will come through. God will get me out of this "pit" and give me a magical rope to pull myself out. He is going to change my situation, just you wait.

As time went on, I felt worn down from the struggles I was facing and felt like things weren't changing at all. I had waited and waited, made every effort I could, and things were still the same. What the heck, God? What are you doing here? It's taken me a while to see it, but I feel like God is teaching me a huge lesson through this season. And it doesn't have a fairy tale ending...at least not yet. This story involves things staying the same and me being the one to (begrudgingly) change. I'm striving to be content in this season even though things aren't exactly how I wish they were. I'm reminded to be thankful for all the things I do have and all the things that are going as I hoped. Sometimes no matter how much we wish, there isn't always a quick and easy fix to our trials and tribulations. Sometimes the answer is just learning to lean more and more into God and find your comfort and strength in the one thing that will never change. I don't know how this story ends yet, but I continue to have faith. And I urge you to do the same. When "happily ever after" hasn't come yet....that's when you keep going, keep believing, keep trusting. But you can also let yourself be disappointed. Let yourself ask the hard questions. Not every season of life has a picture perfect ending. Sometimes the struggle continues and that's okay. I'm learning to accept that and I hope you do too.

FRIENDS

Each season of life is unique in its own way and each comes with different struggles and adaptations, but I must say that the phase in between college and "real" adulthood is by far the strangest I have yet experienced. You are technically an adult, but you wouldn't consider yourself one. You are left learning to navigate for yourself without the roadmap you have always held -- you don't know how this time period is supposed to look. There is no right or wrong answer which makes it harder to make decisions. You determine where you want to go and you have to figure out exactly how you will deal with and adjust to the changing circumstances. It's funny how things change when you get older, things that you would never expect. There are certain trials that happen in life that no one tells you about. There is no warning or preparation; it just happens. Sometimes you just aren't prepared for everything that growing up entails.

In high school and college, I definitely would have defined myself as a social butterfly. I was always out and about doing things with friends. You would rarely find me home on the weekends because I made it a point to fill up my schedule. In college, I regularly had lunch/dinner dates with girlfriends and would go to the gym or go running with friends. It was very rare when it was just the roommates in our townhouse because we always had people over. I kept myself busy and constantly in contact with everyone because in college there are almost always people around at all times in the day. You have to try really hard to fit a quiet moment to yourself in. I wasn't used to spending much time alone or struggling with friendships.

When I graduated and moved home, things changed. My once booming social life soon began to dwindle and I struggled to maintain friendships, let alone make new ones. No one ever warned me about this particular dilemma. I never realized that part of my life was going to change so drastically. I have now been out of college for 2.5 years and I am still dealing with this change. It's a lot harder to make friends when you are older and tend to see the same people day in and day out. I don't come in contact with as nearly as many people as I did when I was in school. It's also harder to keep friends because we don't live as close anymore and people tend to be scattered in different cities or even different states. It's not as easy to just call someone and ask to hang out spur of the moment. Everything has to be planned and scheduled. It's an awkward phase and it was tough for me.

Life seemed to get in the way of what used to be one of my first priorities, my friends. Many nights when my husband would have a night class, I would dread going home because I knew I would be there alone with nothing to do. When there were things to do, I wasn't always able to make it to hang out like I used to because of work or the long drive. I missed out on fun events because I had to be up early the next day or I wanted to spend rare quality time with my husband. There were also times where I just didn't get invited to hang out with friends like I used to. I was sometimes forgotten or maybe just not as close to that group anymore. I've had friends move, get married, get new jobs, get in consuming relationships, etc. and they weren't around to spend much time together anymore. Some people assumed that because I was now married, I wouldn't be as interested in spending time with friends as I once was. This was completely false, but I noticed myself getting invited to do less and less. I found myself almost always being the one who had to make the effort to make the friendship happen. It hurt and it was hard for me to see other people having so many "friends" when I felt like I had very few who were truly there for me.

I slowly realized that I wasn't the only person in this boat. I actually found out that many people my age dealt with the same problem and also felt like I did. Little did I know, I wasn't alone in this at all. It's still hard for me, but I am becoming more content with the friends that God has blessed me with. Getting older has allowed me to have less surface level friendships with lots of people and instead dig deep into a few friendships that really matter. It has taught me to cherish the friends that I do have because I know how hard real friends are to come by. It has drawn me closer to loved ones knowing that these people are worth investing in because they will be there for me until the end. I've gained a brand new perspective and a deeper understanding of relationships as a whole. I am also learning that there are times where I will just have to accept being alone and that's perfectly okay.

No matter how happy I am with my marriage, my family, my job, my church...I will always crave genuine friendships. It took me a while to realize this, but I still have those friendships. They may look different as I get older and they might require a little bit more effort, but they are still there.

2013

2013 -- Wow, what a year! I can honestly say it was probably the best year of my life thus far. So many memories and milestones. A year filled with lessons and firsts. My heart is full just thinking about the blessings I experienced this year.

~The year started out with getting to marry my best friend -- it was the most perfect day being surrounded by family and friends who came together to celebrate our love for each other. I cherished having each person I loved in the same room. It was such a special day. AND -- I became Mrs. Joshua Gale which is by far the best title I have ever held :)

~We went on a cruise to Mexico for our honeymoon and got a much needed vacation. 

   (Cafe Du Monde at our port in NOLA)

~I learned more about cooking, cleaning, and other wifely duties. 

~I cut 10 inches of my hair off and donated it to Locks of Love. 

~Cedric became OUR dog -- I love him!

~Josh and I went away for the weekend to Nashville. It was the first time we had ever gone and we had a blast. 

          (Country Music Hall of Fame)

~We went to birthday parties, cookouts, and pool parties.

~We attended my brother's graduation from college!

~We went to the beach with the Gale family.

~I went to lots of weddings, bridal showers, and bachelorette parties.

~Josh and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary since we started dating.

~I celebrated my best friend's time in Georgia and went to a special Going Away Party for her.

~I went to a New Kid's on the Block and 98 Degrees Concert with my sister-in-laws -- so much fun!

~We celebrated the Fourth of July with Samuel, Emma, and Sophia.

~I ran -- a lot!

~Some of my friends had babies :)

~Josh and I coached a kid's soccer team at our church.

~We joined Mountain View UMC and Josh became the Youth Pastor there.

~We went to the fair.

~I went apple picking with all of my nieces and nephews and sister-in-laws.

~Josh and I went to Helen for the day and went back to the spot where we got engaged.

~We celebrated my 25th birthday and Josh's 24th birthday.

~I crafted this year and actually tried Pinterest creations.

~We enjoyed Thanksgiving in Savannah.

~I said goodbye to my brother who moved to Texas for an awesome job.

~We participated in Bethlehem Walk.

~We moved from our basement apartment into our own home!

~We celebrated our first Christmas as a married couple.

~We hosted the Hailey family Christmas at our new house.

~Josh preached throughout this year and did an amazing job!

~I had a wonderful year with my friends!

~I spent a lot of time with my mom, dad, and brother this year -- more thankful and appreciative for them as each year passes. Grateful for everything my parents do for me!

~I joined the Gale family and I love being a part of their family!

~I started this blog back in August. It's something I've always wanted to do and I've really enjoyed getting back into writing!

~To top off the whole year, Josh and I have experienced more generosity and love this year than ever before. We are so blessed to be surrounded by an amazing group of family, friends, and church family who constantly give, help, support, and shower us with love. I have never witnessed so many selfless acts before and I am blown away that many of them were towards my family. It is truly humbling and encouraging.

I am beyond grateful for everyone in my life who has helped make 2013 such a success. Thanks to my husband for putting up with me during this crazy year and for an amazing first year of marriage. I can't wait to see what 2014 has in store for us! See you next year folks!

What's "Supposed" To Be

It's been a crazy few weeks. Between Christmas, packing, moving, unpacking, Christmas parties, decorating, cooking, buying/crafting gifts and working full time...I have barely been able to keep it all together. Somehow I have managed to get to the right thing at the right time and most everything is put away at our new house. I consider this an accomplishment! Although this is the holiday season and we have a new home, I feel like we are holding on by a thread trying to make it all work and keep it all together. It's not exactly the picture perfect season that I had imagined. And that bugs me.

I don't know why, but we get these flawless images in our minds of what these transitions or phases of life should look like...and that just isn't reality. I recently read a quote that stuck with me and I felt like I could really identify with these words: "What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it's supposed to be."

I remember moving into our small basement apartment almost a year ago and thinking about how "imperfect" it was. It lacked basic things like a dishwasher, oven, and kitchen. It was functional but bare. I felt like this was somehow going to taint our first year of marriage because it wasn't the house I have envisioned as what a young married couple should live in. I had this perfect little picture in my head of what was supposed to be, and this didn't fit. That dinky little space quickly became more than just our residence or a pain in the butt. It became our home. We made it cozy and comfy. We made it ours. It had everything that we really needed, not wanted but needed. I thought so poorly of that place in the beginning, but through that not so glamorous situation, I began to see beauty unfold. When we packed it all up on Friday afternoon, I stood in each room and was reminded of how small our place actually was, how simple and unsophisticated each room was, and how the only things that actually filled this place were us and our things. All it really was were 2 empty rooms and a single bathroom. Yet, it was everything that wasn't supposed to be gone right.

I was surprised at how sad I was to leave it. We had spent our first year of marriage between those walls. We had so many great times and memories there. A lot of difficult, but very valuable lessons were taught through that place. I grew very fond of our little basement apartment despite how different it was from where I originally thought we were "supposed" to live. In that moment, I realized it wasn't about the place. It wasn't about the imperfections. It wasn't about the expectations of what I thought a newlywed home should look like. It was about us making this past year our own, in our own way, in our own place, and in our own time. It didn't have to look a certain way to be considered a successful year full of love, laughter, and growth.

Letting go of that vision of what we believe our lives are supposed to be is the best thing we can do for ourselves. Forget the timeline, forget what's considered "normal", forget the expectations, and learn to appreciate what's right in front of your eyes. Focusing on how we believe a situation should look like takes away from how great the reality might be. So my life doesn't always appear exactly like I think it should...who cares? That little basement apartment taught me the lesson of throwing that perfect picture of what's "supposed" to be out the window and opening my eyes up to how beautiful what isn't supposed to be really is.

The memories captured in that little place will last a lifetime: