Our Miracle Baby

So if you haven't already seen our announcement....I'm pregnant...again! :) Not only am I expecting our second child, but I am actually halfway through this pregnancy. Yesterday I hit the 20 week mark! Crazy, I know. We are thrilled to finally be able to share this news with everyone. The reason behind this pregnancy staying a "secret" for so long is that it's been...complicated, for lack of a better word. The past few months have been some of the most challenging that I've ever walked through. If you've ever gone through a "high risk" pregnancy, then I seriously applaud you. It's a tough road. Thankfully, I am at a place now in the pregnancy where I am finally feeling a little more confident about everything. But unfortunately, there is still risk and it's something I have to battle each day. I wanted to share my story of this pregnancy with you all. It's been an emotional and hard journey, but also so exciting and amazing. I've witnessed the faithfulness of God like nothing I've ever experienced before and for that, I am grateful. So if you are interested (stick with me, it's long)...here's my story thus far in carrying our miracle baby. Our sweet baby GIRL! (And yes, I am already crying as I write this post!)

On December 28, we found out that I was pregnant with our second baby! We were elated! The night we actually found out was funny because we completely weren't expecting the pregnancy test to come out positive. We were "trying" for our second baby, but hadn't had any luck yet. I was feeling funny and Josh suggested I check.... I came back in the room with a wide-eyed, crazy smile because the pregnancy test was positive! We were thrilled.

I can't believe this guy is going to be a big brother!!

Side note: I had the easiest and best pregnancy with Grayson! I felt wonderful the entire time, never got sick or even felt nauseous, and even continued working out until a few days before he was born. I completely expected for this pregnancy to go just as smoothly. I thought..."I'm just one of those lucky women that doesn't get sick, feels great, and loves being pregnant! I'm just going to be able to "pop" babies out and it will be a breeze!" Well, God had other plans for this pregnancy that I was soon to find out.

Only a week or two after finding out I was pregnant, I started having a lot of pain, especially on my right side. I tried to remember that "every pregnancy is different", but I never experienced any kind of pain with Grayson. It got to a point where I decided to get it checked out and once I called the doctor, they wanted to see me immediately. There was a chance this extreme pain on one side meant this was an ectopic pregnancy which is a major and life threatening problem. On the drive there, I was freaking out. I kept thinking...this excitement didn't last long! Thankfully, I found out that I actually had a corpus luteum cyst on my right ovary (related to the pregnancy) and everything was okay. But that's where the pain was coming from at that point. Little did I know, this was just the beginning of the complications and scary moments I would experience.

Over the next few weeks, I had so much pain and cramping. More than I ever experienced in my previous pregnancy. I was really nervous, but kept trying to tell myself everything was probably fine. Then one evening I had a little bit of spotting. I always prayed I would never experience spotting (although I know it can be normal) because I just knew I couldn't handle it and wouldn't be able to stay calm. Well, I know myself pretty well because my heart basically stopped. I was so scared something was wrong. I went to my "confirmation" appointment at 8 weeks and everything looked fine! I was so relieved. I mentioned the spotting to the doctor and they weren't concerned especially because it can be common in the first trimester. I was thrilled everything looked great, but again as the weeks went on; I kept feeling more pain and was spotting off and on. I kept telling myself I just had to get to the second trimester and things would finally be okay. Everyone kept reassuring me that this could easily all be part of a healthy and normal pregnancy, but my gut instinct was that something was really wrong.

On February 8th (10 weeks pregnant), I was driving to work and the unthinkable happened. I was literally in conversation with my mom about how I wanted to get rechecked at the doctor because of the spotting, pain, and just feeling like something wasn't right. As I was talking to her and driving...I started bleeding, heavily. That moment was one of the scariest I have ever experienced. I immediately started driving in the direction of the hospital, so that I could go to the Emergency Room. As I drove, I just knew I was miscarrying. By the time I got into the ER, my pants were soaked with blood and I couldn't believe this was actually happening. Thankfully Josh joined me there soon after and we awaited the ultrasound that would check to see if our baby had made it through or not. I told Josh that there was absolutely no way the baby was alive because of how much blood I had lost (and was continuing to lose)...absolutely no way. We went into the ultrasound room and prepared for the worst. The technicians aren't technically supposed to go over the ultrasound results with you. They are supposed to wait for the doctors to do that. I couldn't actually see the screen, but I just knew the news I was about to hear. Finally, the ultrasound tech could see the distressed look on our faces and told us...."well there's a heartbeat and the baby looks fine!" I was completely shocked. I honestly didn't believe it or even understand how that could be. I found out at that visit to the ER that I had something called a subchorionic hemorrhage. Basically, it's bleeding between the uterus and the placenta. Nothing causes it and only 1%-5% of pregnant women ever experience it. I was sent home diagnosed with this hemorrhage and a higher chance of miscarriage that wouldn't end when the first trimester ended, but only when the hemorrhage healed and completely went away. I was still bleeding when we left and was told the bleeding would last a while which was scary. I was supposed to decrease my activity and take it easy, but unfortunately there wasn't anything that could heal this hemorrhage or make it go away. Nature just had to take its course and we just had to see what would happen. I was so relieved the baby was still alive, but also heartbroken that I didn't know if the baby would live. I felt like my world had been flipped upside down. In one day, I went from having a completely "normal" pregnancy to being thrown in the "high risk" category. My thoughts went from thinking about making a cute Facebook annoucement and having fun guessing the gender to begging God, "Please help this baby live."  It was a weird paradox of emotions. At that time, the hemorrhage was fairly small, so the doctors had high hopes of it healing and not causing any more issues. 

I had my 11 week appointment at the OBGYN the next week. I went in hoping and almost assuming that things would be better. When I told the doctor I was still having some bleeding, she was immediately concerned. I went in for another ultrasound and found out that the hemorrhage had not only not healed, but it had grown in size. My heart sank and I had to hold back tears. It grew?! The doctor basically told me the same thing as they had in the ER. We were just going to have to wait and see what happened and there was nothing I could do to help the situation. One of the hardest things to hear is that you can't do anything to help save your baby's life. You just have to wait and see...and trust God. I went home feeling really sad and defeated.

But the rollercoaster didn't end there. I woke up at midnight that night (February 17th) heavily bleeding again. This time, I was bleeding out fist sized clots. Terrifying was an understatement. We headed to the ER at 1am and it was the quietest car ride I think Josh and I have ever experienced together. With the amount of blood and massive clots I had lost, there was no doubt in my mind that I had lost the baby. I walked into the ER feeling completely devastated and numb. I even had to sit in the bathroom while waiting to be admitted in the ER because I was still losing so much blood. We waited in our room once again for the dreaded ultrasound that I knew would confirm my worst fear. Being taken back to the ultrasound room was awful because I knew what our future held. Or at least I thought I knew. The tech started the ultrasound and again, I couldn't exactly see the screen, but I could see the reflection. Weirdly enough, it appeared like the baby was still in there. I thought well surely if the baby is in there, there definitely isn't a heartbeat. Josh suddenly turned to the ultrasound tech and asked her...."Can you show my wife what we are seeing on the screen?" It was our baby...moving! The baby was wiggling around, super active, with a healthy heart beat. I know I've said I was in shock many times at this point, but this time took the cake! By the grace of God, the severe bleeding hadn't affected the baby at all. I don't think I've ever felt so amazed by God as I was in that moment.

                    Baby feet! 😍

 
The following weeks have been filled with bed rest, extremely limited activity, not being able to be nearly as active of a mother as I am used to, high risk specialist appointments, learning that the hemorrhage continued to grow and grow despite being on bed rest and a lot of tears. I've clung on to God more than I ever have in my entire life. I have had to depend on God each moment of the day to get me through. He has been my strength through this entire pregnancy because I literally couldn't have handled this situation on my own. I've had to make the daily choice....am I going to push God away and be mad or am I going to trust His promises and His Word? The anxiety and fear I've felt have been like no other. Each day I woke up not knowing what was going to happen to my precious baby, but trying so hard to trust God's perfect and good plan. While 2016 hasn't been nearly what I was expecting so far, I can come out of this saying that God is so incredibly faithful and good. My faith has been tested in ways I've never experienced, but I've felt God with me every step of the way. God has given me encouragement and joy through different events and people that have kept me going when I felt like giving up. And of course the biggest praise of all, God has sustained and protected my daughter's life! God has had His hand on this situation from the beginning and He continues to allow this precious little life to grow and be healthy despite the danger that she was and is still in.

 

I can happily report that the hemorrhage is now much smaller and I am carrying a perfectly healthy baby! I am still at risk, but it appears as if my body is healing and that is a very good sign. I am also able to do more and more as far as activity goes which I am extremely thankful for! (If you've ever been on bed rest or not been able to take care of your child because of health restrictions, then you know how terrible it can be.) Our little girl kicks me each day (she's an active one!) reminding me that she's a fighter and that our God can do the impossible. I believe God already has big plans for her little life and I'm thrilled to be small part of it. This season of life has been tough, but it's just that, a season. I've learned that there's always something to be grateful for and am constantly reminded of how precious life really is. Please continue to pray for our sweet little one and for this pregnancy as it progresses. Words cannot describe how blessed I feel to be at this point and to be carrying a healthy baby girl! 

How Do I Deal With Stress?

Happy Monday, everyone! Is today the epitome of a Monday morning or what?! If you are in the Atlanta area, then you know the monsoon-like weather, crazy traffic jams, and time change adjustment that I am speaking of. Not exactly the most relaxing start to the week! If you are feeling a little overwhelmed, on edge, or just straight up tired this Monday morning, then this post is especially for you! We all have stress in our lives, whether that be Monday morning on a busy week type stress or just everyday life stress. We may think that stress limits itself to those who have a mortgage to pay or food to put on the table or 5 little kids running around, but in fact, stress encompasses all ages. Even our youth are experiencing more stress than we probably did at their age. I found that out last week as I was preparing the lesson for our youth girl's Bible study. I've been part of this particular girl's middle and high school Bible study at our church for almost 2.5 years now. I love investing in young girl's lives especially at this fragile age of peer pressure, awkward middle school years (wasn't it for everyone?!) and coming into your own. I wish I had someone who would have been able to pour spiritual truth and guidance into my life at this age, so I get pretty excited do be able to do that for someone else.

Once in a while, I teach the lesson for the week and this time around, I asked the girls what they wanted me to talk about and what would help them the most. Each week, these girls come to our Bible study with burdens, stresses, and anxiety. They have so much going on in their lives at such a young age and each week they are overwhelmed and just worn out. So to no surprise, they asked me to talk about managing stress and negativity! I thought this was pretty ironic because anyone who knows me knows that I am a very easily stressed individual. I deal with anxiety regularly and usually seem like a little bit of a crazy person compared to my cool-as-a-cucumber, thrives on procrastination, "everything will work out, just relax", scatterbrained but somehow always pulls it off last minute husband. He thrives on the unplanned, spontaneous, and natural eb and flow of life while I retreat to a corner and get out my paper bag to calm my breathing during the potential panic attack that most likely is arising in me during the chaos and confusion of life. Type A personalities unite! God has been teaching me for years about managing stress in my life and it's a constant work in progress for me because I am a natural worrier. Isn't that always how it works though? God uses our weaknesses and stories of restoration to help others by showing them what He's taught us. He rescues us, so that we can then go and rescue others dealing with similar issues. So after some thinking about past experiences and rereading a few posts I've written in this space from the past, I came up with a short list of ways to help deal with stress. This list doesn't just apply to middle and high school girls, but to anyone when they are feeling overwhelmed. I hope these tips bring you some peace and calm next time life gets you down. 

1. Perspective -- the phrase "first-world problems" may be trite, but it has become popular for a reason. During times of major stress in my life, I try to step make and put everything in perspective. It's really easy to get caught up in your particular problem and think the world is coming to an end. Am I the only one who can be a tad on the dramatic side? It's so important to remember to keep perspective. Whatever is causing your anxiety, probably isn't that bad even though in the moment it may seem like it. Sometimes our problems just seem straight up silly and almost laughable when we put them in perspective. I tend to get so sucked into my problems that I forget to take a step back and breathe. When I do, I usually remember how blessed I really am and how a lot of these stresses usually come out of things that are actually blessings in my life. My house is messy? That means I have a roof over my head. I'm not happy about my new responsibilities at work? That means I have a job. My baby is teething and keeping me up all night? That means I'm lucky enough to have a healthy child. My husband left his stuff all over the house again? That means I have someone to share my life with...the good, the bad and the annoying. This method might seem a little corny, but I find that gaining perspective during a difficult time really helps our thankful spirit come out instead of focusing on the negativity. Which brings me to my next point...

2. Positive attitude -- Having a positive attitude is so important these days. I mean have you watched the news recently? It is filled with bad things that are meant to bring us down. It's so easy to be negative in our world today, but a negative attitude is detrimental, especially during stressful seasons of life. I am the first to admit that I sometimes struggle with having a positive attitude and seem to focus on what's going wrong so much more quickly than on what's going right. All this does is accentuate the bad and belittle the good. We define the good and bad in our lives. We have more control over the outlook of our day than we give ourselves credit for. There's always good to outweigh the bad, but we have to evoke the right attitude in order to see that. Plus, who wants to be around someone who is negative and always complaining?! I sure don't. A positive attitude goes a long way in uplifting ourselves on a bad day.

3. Praying -- Are you familiar with the phase, "Have you prayed about it as much as you've talked about it?". I can fall into this trap so easily. It's so effortless to tell people all about your problems, but never bring them to God. I have even been guilty of asking people to pray for me about certain stresses in my life without even praying about them myself. There's a therapeutic aspect to venting to a friend, but I think we often forget about how restorative a conversation with God can be. I find that when I complain to a friend, I might come away feeling better for a little while, but those same problems seem to creep back up. When I bring my struggles to God, He gives me a peace beyond understand and a healing in return. He lifts my burdens off my back and carries them on His own, leaving me feeling weightless and free. Praying takes more discipline than just complaining to a friend or even posting about it on Facebook (yep, we've all done it), but it's a much more beneficial step for us in the end.

4. Past answered prayers -- One of the most powerful ways I deal with stress is thinking about what God has done for me in the past. There are times when I think there's no way a situation is going to work out or a solution to a major problem is ever going to come, but then I stop and think, "Has God ever failed me?". Well....no. I think about the fact that a year ago I had a whole other plethora of problems in my life that have since been resolved. I think about all the prayers I've prayed that have been answered and how God has always given me a solution whether that be something tangible or just letting me know that He is the solution. He's never left me hanging, so why am I thinking He will this time? A calm comes over me when I remember the faithfulness of God in my life knowing that God will continue being reliable and consistent for me.

Perspective: It's a Beautiful Thing

Recently, my life has been a roller coaster. Each day there is some new issue or change, completely lacking consistency. I go through about 20 emotions in a day and find myself on different highs and lows throughout the same day. While this could definitely be contributed to pregnancy (third trimester, at that), I've always been one to give in to emotions and let them control me. I get sucked in to how I feel in the moment and forget to hold tight to reality. The older I get, the more I am realizing that life (a joyful one) is all about perspective. Lately, my life has been hectic, but I've also been so very blessed. I've had a few stressful situations arise, but I've also seen God directly answer my prayers. There have been things that haven't gone my way, but my friends and family have stepped up and shown so much love and support. Money has been tight, but God has provided in incredible ways. There has been so much good that it's hard to even acknowledge the bad: that's perspective and it's a beautiful thing.

The Bible says to, "Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." In the world we live in today, that's not always the easiest task. In the past month alone, the news has been filled with cases of Ebola spreading in the U.S. and the latest ISIS attack and capture. It's a scary and not always so pretty world that we live in. Despite the negative images and conversation that surround us each day and can so easily entangle us, I still think there is so much good left in the world. If you take the time to look for it and meditate on it, you will find it. You will see it in the young cashier helping the sweet older man carry his groceries, in the mother kissing her children as she sends them off to school, and in someone taking the time to bake you some cookies to show their appreciation for all your hard work. You will see it when you remember how quickly life passes and how you are one of the lucky ones that is still alive and given the opportunity to make a difference today. I have been reminded so many times recently that no matter how bad our situation is, someone else always has it worse. So yes, those are simple examples, but hey, some people don't even have that to pull from. For me, each time I feel my baby kick, I am reminded of how good life is and how blessed I am. Having a little miracle growing inside of you quickly puts your life into perspective. The problems seem so insignificant compared to the simple joys we have been given. These are the things are need to remember when life gets tough. We are the lucky ones. Again, perspective.

Some days it's so difficult to find the good. We stress and get so flustered about a particular problem and once that issue is solved, we move right on to the next crisis. We forget to give thanks for the answer to our previous problem and the things that are going right in our lives. For me, it's been medical bills, work, baby preparation, and so many other things that consume my life and sometimes derail me from an attitude of praise. Despite anything difficult I've experienced recently, when I step back and put my life into perspective I can honestly say that I've never been more blessed. Josh and I have had so many people help us in more ways than I can even count. Our family, friends, church members, and co-workers have given their time and energy to us to make us feel so loved and appreciated. They have saved us and supported us when we had so much to get done that we couldn't even see straight. We have felt encouragement from all sides. Our baby hasn't even arrived yet and is already so loved and prayed for. I am lucky enough to carry my baby, have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby which is more than many can say. People have been so incredibly giving and generous to our family that it blows my mind. God has made a way for us when there didn't seem to be one. All that to say, God has been so, so good to us. And we can't forget that when the first hardship hits. We must cling tightly to perspective and an attitude of gratitude.  

Yes, it's easy to get caught up in all the things in life that aren't true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. But putting your life in perspective is one of the best things you could ever do for yourself and your family. That's what I've been learning lately. I'm alive and healthy. I'm loved and cared for. This is all I need. Everything else is just icing on the cake and when I put my life in perspective, I have a lot of icing! :)

Trip to South Korea

Well, today is the day! We leave for Costa Rica tonight and I couldn't be more excited. As I prepare to leave for my second international mission trip, it brings back so many memories of my first. I remember the call to go to South Korea and the peace I felt while I was there. It was a once in a lifetime trip and I have so many wonderful memories from my 2 week stay. We did so many things while we were there and also met so many amazing people. It would be hard for me to recap the entire trip and put an experience that was almost indescribable into words. 

 

For my last "missions" blog post I'll be leaving you with pictures, which speak volumes over words. I will say that this trip shed so much light for me and gave me so much perspective. I never understood how difficult Christians across the world have it and how lucky I am to live in a country with freedom of religion and acceptance of the Christian faith. I have never appreciated the worldwide Christian community more and realized how much we all need each other. Every single person I encountered in South Korea was beyond sweet and caring. They all took such great care of us and treated us with great respect. The Korean culture is full of humility and service to others, something I believe the U.S. could learn from. It was hard for me to leave Busan because of the connection I made to the city along with the connections I made to the people I met. I never knew I could meet girls my age from the other side of the world and that we would have so much in common, that in 2 weeks time we would become lifelong friends. So please enjoy my pictures from Busan, South Korea, a place and people that will always hold such a special place in my heart.

 

 

 

My awesome team!

 

Busan is a seaside town and that means lots of beautiful ocean views!



We hosted a campus ministry party!

 

 

My favorite Korean food - Kimpop!

Our hosts - love these girls!

 

 

Sharing our testimonies and singing worship music for a Korean high school.

 

Helping campers learn to bake a cake!

Korean Karaoke

 

 

 

Karate Lessons

 

 

Teaching English at a Korean college

 

Busan has such breathtaking views!

 

Korean soda

South Korea -- always in my heart <3 p="">

Mission Trips - Part 1

In light of the adventure I am about to go on this summer (on a mission trip to Costa Rica), I thought I would highlight each of the other mission trips I have gone on up until now. I get a lot of questions about the locations and the activities done on the trips, so I am going to take the opportunity to share the details and pictures from each of my mission trip experiences.

I have to start off by saying that I am by no means some mission trip expert. Because of my testimony, you may already know that I didn't even become a Christian until late high school/early college. From there, it took me a few years to settle into my faith before I felt confident enough to go on a mission trip to share the Gospel. Although this is the way I thought it should be handled, I will say that you are never too young in your faith to share it with others and serve others. Once I truly gave my life over to Christ during my sophomore year of college, I felt an immediate tugging on my heart to do missions. I knew it was my duty as a Christian to get out there and share the Good News with others. It was my duty to selflessly serve others and be a light of Christ to them. If I wasn't willing to do this, who would?

I was a part of a wonderful ministry in college called the BCM (Baptist Collegiate Ministries) and they really helped shape and form me into a more mature and less intimidated Christian. They offered a program called Summer Missions where students from all the BCM's in Georgia would raise money all year long and at the end of the year, the money would go into a big pot. That money was then used to send any college student that wanted to (there were no restrictions) on a mission trip over the summer. They had summer-long trips and week-long trips. They had trips to different towns within Georgia and trips to different continents. Little did I understand at the time, how much of a blessing and amazing opportunity this was. I went on three trips through this program: Mississippi, Brunswick, and South Korea. All three were great experiences and cost free, which is a big deal for a broke college student. This program provided us with opportunities that we would never have been able to afford otherwise. I also went on two trips through the BCM over two different Spring Breaks: San Diego and Texas.

So there you have it: a summary of my mission experiences thus far. I am going to do this as a series, so that I can go into each trip in detail without making one long, massive post. Hope you enjoy hearing about my experiences on the mission field! I would love to hear about yours! :)

Life...Will You Please Just Slow Down?

If you have been wondering what's going on in my life (probably not, but you never know!), then I am here to tell you that April has been a crazy, busy month for the Gale's. We have kind of been running around like chickens with their heads cut off. I don't know if it's the spring weather, or Easter, or all of the activities culminating before we hit summer...but life has flown by these past couple of months. I know people say the older you get time seems to speed up, and I can testify that there is truth to that!

Although we have been very busy, everything is going well. Josh is finishing up his second year of seminary and only has one year to go (hallelujah!). We are still loving our church and Josh has been working so hard there. He has preached multiple times and I can say that there aren't many other moments in which I am prouder of him than when I watch him preach. I believe he is a natural. I have been at Land Rover for a year and a half and am finally settling into the routine of commuting which I started back in December. I still don't love it, but my despise-o-meter is slowly going down. Our house is finally coming together and I am so relieved. For some reason, I was very intimidated at the thought of decorating our house and putting each room together. I'm not quite sure why. Isn't this every girl's dream?! Well I can say I am happy with how everything is turning out and it's been easier/more fun than I anticipated. I am also going to do a House Tour on this blog soon. Let me know if anyone would be interested in that? My domestic skills (ahm...cooking) have majorly improved! I have been cooking more and more and I rarely reuse a recipe. I have been trying different things and making meals that are out of my comfort zone. So far I haven't burned the house down and Josh has only turned down one of my creations...which is impressive if you know how picky he is!

Summer is right around the corner and don't be fooled into thinking that we will slow down any, in fact, between a new Bible study, youth group trips, our mission trip to Costa Rica, and more work and school...we will be filled to the brim! (If you don't know much about our Costa Rica trip, please visit http://www.gofundme.com/JOSHANDBRITTANYTOCR to find out more! I am also going to do a blog post about this trip specifically before and after our visit. I will be sure to share the details and photos with you all.)

Well I think that is it for now. Life is moving quickly, but I'm thankful that at the end of each day, I go to bed happy and content with where I am. As trite as this phrase is, I am seriously blessed. God has taught me more about flexibility and going with the flow this year, and I am trying to put it to use. (I'm getting a lot of practice.) I'll leave you with some of our family Easter photos and April favorites.

My family -- I love this photo more than words can say...and also because of Cedric's goofy expression.

 

My love...so thankful for this guy and proud of all he has accomplished this year. We treated ourselves to new Easter outfits this year (we never buy clothes for ourselves) and it was a nice treat.

 

                            Easter Sunday with my mom after church. 

         My brother came home for Easter weekend! We loved having him.

 

 

 Announcing our trip to Costa Rica this summer...we are excited! (We even made a fun video.)

Our trip to the zoo -- Josh had never been to the Atlanta Zoo and I felt like this was unacceptable, so I took him on a surprise date there!
 

I'm still coaching 3 year old soccer each week and I absolutely love it. At this age, it has nothing to do with skill (which is why they let me coach), but it is more about team work and patience with the young learners. They are the funniest kids and so sweet! They have the best manners and are so pure with their words (truly saying exactly what they are thinking). I love seeing them encourage each other and give each other high fives after scoring goals. It's truly the 1 hour each week that I do something for myself. It may seem like it's for them, but really, I know I get so much more out of it!

"God Made Dirt, Dirt Don't Hurt"

Happy Tuesday, everyone! If you live in Georgia, then I'm sure you are doing the happy dance right along with me because the sun is out today! After a gloomy, stormy day yesterday, it is refreshing and encouraging to see some sunshine.

This weekend was quite a busy one for me and I got a lot done. My biggest accomplishment by far was cleaning the house. I don't say the world cleaning lightly. To be more accurate, I should probably say I spent all of Saturday scrubbing the house.  I am the kind of person who likes organization and for everything to be in its place. I don't like things on the floors and I can say that most of the time my house is picked up and not a disaster zone. But, I don't enjoy actually cleaning: wiping things off, vacuuming, mopping, sweeping, getting down on my hands and knees and scrubbing the bathroom, etc. Nope, that's not really my thing. One of the joys of our new home is the space while one of the challenges of our new home is the space. We love having more room, but every wife knows the more space you have, the more there is to clean. Let's just say I haven't made this "deep cleaning" thing a ritual or a weekly ordeal. I definitely should, but I'm just not there yet. With all that being said, although the laundry was done and everything around the house was picked up, I was shocked at how long it took me to clean a seemingly put together home. I literally cleaned every surface of our house (knowing that it will be some time before this "spring cleaning fever" strikes again).  Throughout my cleaning venture, I discovered my house was a lot dirtier than I expected and the process of really getting the house to really "shine" was much more time consuming than I would have guessed.

The process of "deep cleaning" my house reminded so much of life, especially our spiritual lives. How often do we breeze through without taking the time to focus on the details?  It's easier to skip over the mess and hard work that we know would be involved in cleaning it up. You can glance at your spiritual life like I glanced around my house and convince yourself that there's nothing more to be done, but we all know that's not true. It takes courage and honesty to take a self-inventory of our spiritual lives and it's scary to see what we might find. We know that God is calling us to dip deeper and push harder, but that requires facing what can sometimes be a dirty mess.We would rather go on in ignorant bliss than deal with all the emotions and fears that lie within those crevasses and cracks. God is challenging us to stop going through the motions and really let Him prune us and put us through the fire, so that we can come out molded into something even better on the other side. Exposing the buildup of gunk in your life to God is scary, but that's where the blessing is. We don't want Him to be like a guest in our house and pile all of the junk under the bed before He comes over. We need to be transparent about our spiritual lives with the Lord in order to be transformed. In the Bible it says that God "makes beauty from ashes". He takes the "dirt" in our lives and turns it into something beautiful. He looks at the things we aren't proud of, the things we regret, and the things we aren't very good at and then smiles at us, reassuring us that He loves us no matter what. That love is what makes us whole again. That love is what cleanses and renews us. Only God has the power to do that. Hiding those darker spots in our lives won't give God the opportunity to do something great with them.

Like I said, it's easy to go through the motions when it comes to your faith. It's easy to do the parts that come easily for you and avoid steps of faith that you know will be hard and require work.  It's easy to hide from the "dirt" in our lives without ever exposing it to God because we just don't want to deal with it. And it was easy for me to go on for months glancing at my house convincing myself that it was "clean". I knew how much work it would require to get it where it needed to be. I knew I would find spots along that way that I wasn't proud of. I knew I would find more dirt than I cared to see. But at the end of my Saturday, my house looked good! After a lot of scrubbing and accepting that I really don't do it as much as I need to, those dirty spots were washed away. The awesome thing about Jesus is that the hard work is only found in getting up the guts to share our whole selves with Him, dirt and all. After that, He does the work. He loves us. He accepts us. He transforms us. All we have to be is willing to "clean our house".

Pruning

There has been a lot going on in our world lately. Needless to say, between seminary, church activities, youth group activities, Land Rover, and finding somewhere to live...our lives have been somewhat hectic! I find myself in a constant state of stress and anxiety from the whirlwind of chaos. There are many emotions felt in a single day and I can hardly keep track of what exactly is going on because it all changes at such a rapid rate. The funny thing is, no matter how much I've freaked out about all the uncertainties, God has been faithful.

Recently in my Sunday School class, we were discussing the idea of God "pruning" us. Pruning is defined as cutting, clearing, ridding, trimming, or removing any needless or undesired twigs, branches, or roots. We talked about how God prunes us each day by putting us through uncomfortable situations that we would prefer to avoid to refine us and develop qualities within us that would never be established without those hardships. There are so many strengths that are developed within us during the struggles that wouldn't be there otherwise. When metal is put under fire, all of the impurities rise up and are released from that metal. Only after being put through the fire is the metal considered refined and purified. Without the seasons of pruning, those undesirable and unwanted qualities would remain within us.

The seasons of pruning can be difficult ones, but they can also be fruitful. I can say that during this stressful season of my life when God is doing things that I do not always understand, I am developing important qualities and I am learning important lessons. I am slowly learning to let go of the reins and to not only trust God wholeheartedly, but also trust the people around me. I am learning to put more faith in others instead of taking control of everything myself. I am also being put to the test as far as unwavering trust and faith goes. I sing songs every day that proclaim my trust that God is in control. I delcare that He holds all things together and that if He will provide for the birds, then surely He will provide for me. But do my actions always demonstrate these words as loudly as my voice does? I'm working on that. I am being given wisdom during these trials, wisdom of how to take care of my family and wisdom of when to let go and let God. God is developing an inner strength within me, the type of strength that doesn't depend on human abilities but depends on and hopes in Him. God is encouraging me to be courageous, to fearlessly stand out when I know that's the right thing to do. He is teaching me to be selfless and to work hard for what I want. He is showing me that there are nice people in this world who will help you out whether they know you personally or not. He is revealing to me that my marriage doesn't have to weaken because of trials, but in fact it can be strengthened. He is developing my prayer life and allowing me to put all of my feelings into words spoken to Him. He is drawing me close to Him and allowing me to feel what it's like to experience intimacy with the Father. He is continually proving to me, "Brittany, I've got this."

God is pruning me, and it's a wonderful, beautiful thing.

LAURA'S STORY

Have you ever heard a song a million times, but never really listened to the lyrics? Or maybe you have paid attention to the words before, but for some reason, that song just hits you differently than ever before? And all of the sudden, you find a brand new meaning in the music?

I go through phases of listening to Christian music all day, every day to wanting a break from it. Lately, I find that it has a way of really soothing me during my time alone in the car. It's comforting to me even if it's just background music.

Recently on a long drive, I was listening to the radio. I was driving along when the song "Blessings" by Laura's Story came on. When introducing the song, the DJ talked about how great it is to hear songs inspired by real life events. These songs make you realize that not only were the emotions felt when writing the lyrics genuine, but so was the faith shown. The DJ shared that Laura's husband had been diagnosed with cancer and from the outside; it seemed like a pretty miserable situation. She wrote this song during that storm in her and her family's life. Since then, her husband is on a much better path to recovery and the family seems to be healing.

BUT, when I heard the story behind this song, it put the words into a new perspective for me. The lyrics are ridiculously powerful especially knowing that Laura wasn't just telling us these things in a superficial Christian way, but that she was experiencing gut wrenching pain in her life and was still able to proclaim these words. I find people who truly cling to their faith when it is most difficult to be inspirational. Most people wouldn't have blamed her for taking time off and feeling sorry for herself, but instead she chose to glorify God during her darkest hour. I admire this type of boldness and strength. I only hope that I will have the courage to find the "blessings in the raindrops" like this song suggests when I am going through life's hardships.

"What does it look like when I spend years praying for healing for my husband that never comes? I feel like we’ve gotten to a place of having to make a choice-are we going to judge God based on our circumstances that we don’t understand? Or are we going to choose to judge our circumstances based on what we hold to be true of God? I’m learning that every morning when I wake up, to choose to trust God. And that’s what “blessings” is about. It’s just considering… maybe the blessing is actually found in the absense of the thing that I'm praying for."
-Laura Story


I have attached the lyrics to this song. Please take the time to read and really meditate on these words. If put into action, these words have the power to be life changing.


"Blessings"

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
And all the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not,
This is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

BLESSINGS

Well the long 3 day weekend has come to an end, and what a weekend it was! Filled with long work days, recovery, family time, rest, and quality time with my husband. After reflecting over the past week, I can truly say it has been wonderful and tough all wrapped up into one. Josh is still recovering from his sinus surgery and it has been a lot harder than we anticipated. I had to work the dreaded end of the month (12 hour) shift on Friday, the day after his surgery, so I had to be away from him all day. Needless to say, I was dead when I got home on Friday night.

Despite how exhausted I was when I went into the weekend, I feel renewed and ready for a new week coming out of it. Like most of us, it's so easy for me to focus on the negative in a situation. I tend to get caught up in the whirlwind of life and see the struggles rather than the blessings. One of my goals for the New Year was to focus on the positive and to make a conscious effort to see all that God has given me. So this is going to be a positive post. A reflection on the blessings during the hard times. Here it goes: 

1. We have felt so much love and support the past week during and after Josh's surgery. We were so blessed by the influx of prayers and encouragement. 

2. We have the BEST family, friends and church family!

3. We had 3 visitors on the day of surgery: our pastor, brother-in-law, and Josh's sister. Their presence helped me get through the waiting period and it was so appreciated.

4. Ticket to Ride: I am SLOWLY learning to enjoy playing board games (post-surgery fun). Josh is VERY excited about this. 

5. My father-in-law came and stayed with us Thursday and Friday night. He took care of Josh all day Friday while I was at work. We were so thankful that he was there to help!

6. I was able to get SO much sleep this weekend. Almost every time Josh slept, I ended up sleeping too. It's amazing how much better you feel after getting a few nights of good rest.

 

7. Naps. I have always LOVED naps, but rarely get to take them. Well this weekend was an exception! (I took one every day...) 

8. We had a great time visiting our Gale family this weekend. Even though there were times where Josh wasn't feeling well enough to be around everyone, we enjoyed the time we were able to spend with them. 

 9. I got to see all my nieces and nephews this weekend. I seriously love those kids. 

10. We had a peaceful drive home watching a beautiful sunset that can only be seen in the country, far away from all the city lights. 

 11. We went through Milledgeville and GCSU and I got to hear Josh reminisce over college memories. 

11. Long phone calls with my mom 

12. Lifetime movies on a rainy Labor Day morning 

13. Trips to the grocery store that aren't rushed where we actually get to go together (even though we forgot bread and milk...oops) 

14. Getting to eat lunch together 

15. Going on a long, peaceful run to unwind 

16. Discovering my inner nurse 

17. Olive Garden - enough said.

We are truly blessed! Here's to a new week with an optimistic attitude that sees the overflow of blessings we receive each day.