Just Say No

I don't know about you, but my life is pretty hectic...all the time. I'm always busy. I always have stuff going on. It's hard to get a spare moment to just catch my breath. The thing is...I bring most of this on myself. I am one of those people-pleasers. I can't ever say "no". I want to be involved in everything. I want to help everyone out. I almost feel like I am disappointing people by choosing to opt out of an activity, so I rarely do it. I don't take enough time for myself because I consistently say "yes" to everything and anything. I need to learn to take a step back and just say "no".

It's so hard to be selfish sometimes, with that people-pleaser instinct constantly lurking within me. I really don't like letting other people down, but I have come to the realization that I truly don't do enough for myself. I pile on the activities and it all becomes too much. Even good activities can become overwhelming if there are too many. I need to simplify my life and start taking the time for me. In our world today, I feel like we are all constantly running, always on the move. It's "normal" to have a full schedule and almost seems lazy to sit at home for the evening and just do nothing (at least for me). I feel like we have an added pressure to be busy and with the plethora of functions/clubs/Bible studies/church activities/get-togethers...it's easy to succumb to that pressure. It's easy to get bogged down with a busy schedule and suddenly realize you are running yourself ragged. It's easy to become drained from the race I feel like I am running.

I need renewal. I am burnt-out. I'm taking this as my summer challenge: to just say no. I have a lot of spring activities that are wrapping up soon and I believe the summer will be a perfect time period for me to just rest. I want to relax and give myself the chance to breathe. I want to cut out the clutter from my life that sometimes causes more stress than benefit. It's time for me to do something for me. It's a necessary selfishness that must take place. I need a new focus, on the things that truly matter. I don't know if any of this resonates with you, but if it does, I challenge you to do the same. Take a step back and learn to say "no" sometimes. If we really want to be the best people that we can be, this time of renewal and rest and even selfishness is necessary. I'm learning to start saying "no" to others and "yes" to myself.

"God Made Dirt, Dirt Don't Hurt"

Happy Tuesday, everyone! If you live in Georgia, then I'm sure you are doing the happy dance right along with me because the sun is out today! After a gloomy, stormy day yesterday, it is refreshing and encouraging to see some sunshine.

This weekend was quite a busy one for me and I got a lot done. My biggest accomplishment by far was cleaning the house. I don't say the world cleaning lightly. To be more accurate, I should probably say I spent all of Saturday scrubbing the house.  I am the kind of person who likes organization and for everything to be in its place. I don't like things on the floors and I can say that most of the time my house is picked up and not a disaster zone. But, I don't enjoy actually cleaning: wiping things off, vacuuming, mopping, sweeping, getting down on my hands and knees and scrubbing the bathroom, etc. Nope, that's not really my thing. One of the joys of our new home is the space while one of the challenges of our new home is the space. We love having more room, but every wife knows the more space you have, the more there is to clean. Let's just say I haven't made this "deep cleaning" thing a ritual or a weekly ordeal. I definitely should, but I'm just not there yet. With all that being said, although the laundry was done and everything around the house was picked up, I was shocked at how long it took me to clean a seemingly put together home. I literally cleaned every surface of our house (knowing that it will be some time before this "spring cleaning fever" strikes again).  Throughout my cleaning venture, I discovered my house was a lot dirtier than I expected and the process of really getting the house to really "shine" was much more time consuming than I would have guessed.

The process of "deep cleaning" my house reminded so much of life, especially our spiritual lives. How often do we breeze through without taking the time to focus on the details?  It's easier to skip over the mess and hard work that we know would be involved in cleaning it up. You can glance at your spiritual life like I glanced around my house and convince yourself that there's nothing more to be done, but we all know that's not true. It takes courage and honesty to take a self-inventory of our spiritual lives and it's scary to see what we might find. We know that God is calling us to dip deeper and push harder, but that requires facing what can sometimes be a dirty mess.We would rather go on in ignorant bliss than deal with all the emotions and fears that lie within those crevasses and cracks. God is challenging us to stop going through the motions and really let Him prune us and put us through the fire, so that we can come out molded into something even better on the other side. Exposing the buildup of gunk in your life to God is scary, but that's where the blessing is. We don't want Him to be like a guest in our house and pile all of the junk under the bed before He comes over. We need to be transparent about our spiritual lives with the Lord in order to be transformed. In the Bible it says that God "makes beauty from ashes". He takes the "dirt" in our lives and turns it into something beautiful. He looks at the things we aren't proud of, the things we regret, and the things we aren't very good at and then smiles at us, reassuring us that He loves us no matter what. That love is what makes us whole again. That love is what cleanses and renews us. Only God has the power to do that. Hiding those darker spots in our lives won't give God the opportunity to do something great with them.

Like I said, it's easy to go through the motions when it comes to your faith. It's easy to do the parts that come easily for you and avoid steps of faith that you know will be hard and require work.  It's easy to hide from the "dirt" in our lives without ever exposing it to God because we just don't want to deal with it. And it was easy for me to go on for months glancing at my house convincing myself that it was "clean". I knew how much work it would require to get it where it needed to be. I knew I would find spots along that way that I wasn't proud of. I knew I would find more dirt than I cared to see. But at the end of my Saturday, my house looked good! After a lot of scrubbing and accepting that I really don't do it as much as I need to, those dirty spots were washed away. The awesome thing about Jesus is that the hard work is only found in getting up the guts to share our whole selves with Him, dirt and all. After that, He does the work. He loves us. He accepts us. He transforms us. All we have to be is willing to "clean our house".

From Ordinary to Extraordinary

My life has become so routine. I get up at the same time each day. I have the same work schedule. I eat the same breakfast. I am around most of the same people on a daily basis. The older I get, the more I find myself falling into this repetitive schedule without even thinking about it. Some days I feel discouraged and think, how could God ever use me with this ordinary (almost boring) life I lead? How can God work in the routine, the mundane, and the ordinary? Do you ever feel like your life has to be something extravagant for God to be at work?

When I was in college, I had the opportunity to go on many mission trips. It was one of my favorite things to do because I knew I was going to get a front row seat watching God work and move. I knew I was going to see Him throughout the trip and I was always excited to experience Him through new people and places. I traveled to South Korea for a mission trip after I graduated college and I remember being taken aback by all the beautiful people I had the opportunity to meet and the breathtaking views I was able to see. In those moments, God was so obvious to me. He was there and He was working. I could just feel it and see it each day. I felt important because I was confident that God was using me to positively affect the lives of others.

Unfortunately, my life isn't a constant mission trip. I do not have the opportunity to so obviously see God working on a day-to-day basis, but that doesn't mean that He still isn't working through my everyday circumstances. Why is it that as Christians, we feel like we have to be doing something extravagant like a mission trip to experience God or be to used by Him? I refuse to believe the lie that Satan tells us that we can't be used by God in our everyday lives, that we can't affect the lives of those around us unless we are doing something for Christ in an exaggerated way, that He can't work through the small, unnoticed gestures. We get to thinking why would He be interested in a full-time desk job worker like me? Or a stay-at-home mom? Or a someone who is retired? Or a student just trying to graduate? Because He isn't looking for people who are equipped or qualified. He is looking for people who are willing and available. God will provide the knowledge and ability, if we will just provide ourselves.

You don't have to be doing a ministry-oriented activity to see God and to be used by Him. Your life (every aspect of it) is a ministry in itself and a way for God to work through you and touch the lives of others. God will open up doors and create opportunities where there seem to be none. He has the power to turn your ordinary day-to-day circumstances into something extraordinary. It may not look like a foreign mission trip or a pastor preaching from the pulpit, but that doesn't mean He can't transform the routine into something amazing for His glory. God has the power to work beyond our circumstances. So yes, I do feel like my life is a little mundane sometimes, but I have to keep reminding myself that God is still at work in my life. He will always use me as long as I am willing to be used in any (unconventional) way, shape, or form.

"I Need To Be Skinnier"

I haven't written too much about health on this blog, but being healthy and in shape is a big part of my life. I've had my ups and downs with weight over the years. I've gone through very healthy and somewhat unhealthy phases. If you are a woman reading this, then I feel like you will be able to relate on some level. Women constantly worry about weight and appearance. The older we get, the worse this obsession becomes. I see so many women going to extremes to achieve their goal weight or a certain look. It makes me sick to watch. I'm here to share my personal health journey and hope that it will inspire some of you to see that leading a healthy life doesn't have to be all about counting calories and spending countless hours in the gym. It takes some self-love and dedication to not becoming skinny, but becoming healthy (physically AND mentally).

From the time I was young, I have always worried about weight. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at age 11 and was considered overweight for my age at that point. Before my diagnosis, I just thought I was rapidly gaining weight and can remember being conscious of what I put into my body at an early age. In the 3rd grade, I started drinking water instead of juice. I tried to eat more fruits and vegetables and to cut out sweets. I was already trying to "diet" because I didn't like how I looked. After I got on the right medication, the pounds began to shed and I got back to my natural weight.

I was on the track and cross county teams in middle and high school, so I was constantly running. That definitely helped me stay in shape in my teens, but I still stayed close to the scale to constantly check my weight. I have always eaten fairly healthy and had a love for healthy foods. I also have a love for sweets. So when I got to college, I was amazed by the plethora of food I saw everywhere. I had a 24/7 access pass to the dining hall and went out to eat Waffle House in the middle of the night regularly with friends. The pounds started coming back on. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was my heaviest in college. I would work out regularly, but I would also binge eat and go to bed extremely full on a regular basis. I overate and believed I needed way too many calories to keep my body going. I was truly uneducated about what being healthy really meant.

My senior year of college after Christmas break, I decided I needed to go on a "diet". My weight was at an all-time high and I wanted to get down to what I had been in high school. I started eating healthy and working out, but I was a bit obsessive about it. I went to the gym 5-6 days a week in college and felt like something was off if I wasn't there. I thought I needed to be there in order to not gain weight. While this isn't a crazy extreme, my mindset was unhealthy. A few weeks before graduation, I reached my goal weight. But looking back, I didn't do it in the healthiest way. I wasn't consuming enough calories and was pushing myself to the limit. I believed that if I just ate less, then I wouldn't have to work out as much and I could still be "skinny". While that was true, it was difficult to maintain. I gained some of the weight back after graduation and it was hard to step on that scale.

When I got engaged, I started losing weight again, not on purpose this time but because of stress and busyness. I began eating slightly less calories but also letting myself indulge. I didn't feel like I was depriving myself anymore. I was working out, but only 3 days a week, nothing extreme. It was through that method and putting less focus on weight than I ever had, that I got to my skinniest and healthiest state. Pretty ironic, huh?

I'm not saying this method works for everyone, but I can say that I have been able to maintain a weight I am very happy with while still being healthy for almost a year and a half. I work out, but I don't live at the gym. I eat healthy, but I also eat unhealthy sometimes. I am not constantly counting calories. Everything in moderation is my new personal slogan. I have seen a change in my body and my mind by putting less emphasis on the scale and more on being a happier person all around. I am happier, healthier, and skinnier when I take the pressure off of myself and decrease my intensity with trying to be thin. I changed my focus and it worked.

I was inspired to write this particular blog after constantly seeing women who hate on themselves and who put every ounce of their being into reaching their goal weight. Even if you look on Pinterest, there are a million recipes on how to make things differently to cut calories. I think healthy choices are very important, but eating a little less of something with a higher calorie content and feeling satisfied instead of deprived is okay too. Don't get caught up in everything "diet" and "skinny". Eat a piece of cake, just don't eat 5. Depriving yourself is NOT the solution to a healthy life, but loving yourself is. Everywhere we look; there is pressure to be smaller, to push ourselves, our bodies, and our minds to the extreme. Moderation is key. Lifestyle changes are more effective than diets. Eat in moderation, workout in moderation, and dedicate your time and energy to being thinner in moderation. The scale may not look different, but that doesn't mean that you aren't getting results. Throw the scale out if you have to in order to focus on being healthy (physically and mentally) not skinny. You will be a much healthier and happier person in the long run.