My Stewardship Journey

Every year my church has a month dedicated to talking about Stewardship. Stewardship is (by definition) an ethic that embodies the responsible planning and management of resources. In short, how have you chosen to manage what God has given you? Each Sunday, a family shares their Stewardship Journey, and at the end of the month, we have a time where we pledge what we will give to the church the upcoming year. Each year as different people share their testimony of giving, I always think of how I also have a story. I'm not one who loves to publicly speak (I save that for my husband who is a preacher) and I certainly am not one who wants to discuss the controversial and even awkward topic of money, but each year I feel God tugging at my heartstrings during this Stewardship month. I couldn't help but feel the urge to share my story of giving, not to draw any attention to myself, but to share of God's constant faithfulness in my life. When I think of this particular topic, I just can't stay silent or deny God's hand print stamped all along this road I've traveled. God has weaved together such a beautiful story of giving, providing, faith and trust in my life that I felt compelled to share my Stewardship Journey.

In high school and college, I would see the offering plates pass during the church service and automatically count myself out. I thought I was somehow exempt from giving to the church. The passages in the Bible about giving weren't directed towards me, but "future me" who had it all together and was living a "comfortable" life. How could God expect anything out of a poor high school or college student? When I graduated college and got a full-time job, I began to feel like my excuses were running out. I started tithing each month and I truly was happy I was finally able to give back to the church that had so heavily poured into me and invested in my life. But in all honesty, it wasn't the biggest sacrifice to give at that point. I was living at home with my mom and had very few bills. But, at least it was a start!

Around that time, Josh and I became engaged. We had many discussions about giving to the church once we were married and we both knew that if we didn't implement this discipline from the start, we may never. There would always be something to stand in our way if we let it. So once we got married, we tithed each month. Some months were harder than others, but we always gave something. And God always provided. At that point, we were newlyweds living in a basement apartment in Atlanta and we weren't making much money. We didn't have much, but we always had exactly what we needed. In December of 2013, we bought our first home. It was a dream that I didn't even think would be possible for years to come, but we managed to make it happen and were thrilled about this huge step in our lives. But as everyone knows, "with great power comes great responsibility". We had more, but we also had more to pay for, take care of and manage.

At this point, Josh was still in seminary full-time and working at the church part-time and I was working full-time in Atlanta. While we were working extremely hard, we were struggling to make ends meet. We were staying afloat, but barely. There were many months that we seriously debated not tithing. We could have easily justified it, especially when we added up how much we were tithing each year. It was hard to see those numbers and know what a helpful impact that would have made in other areas of our life. It felt like such a sacrifice and one that I was struggling to make. We were a very young couple who had very little and it would have been easy to tell ourselves that it was okay not to give and somehow talk ourselves out of it. But despite all of the opposition we felt, we continued to give. But I'll be honest; it was a little begrudgingly on my part.

Around this time, I felt like God really moved in my life in the area of stewardship. Being a good steward is effectively managing what God has given you, but that's what I was struggling to see. In my mind, my money, my things, my house, my work ethic, the things I had worked so hard for....they were just that, mine. I finally had the revelation that I was holding on so tightly to things that actually weren't mine, they were God's. I was the first to say how much God had blessed me, but I wasn't willing to admit that everything I had was because of Him. Everything I had was His. It was really easy to look at the things I had and think, "I worked hard for those things. I earned those things on my own." But in actuality, God had given me a job. He had blessed me with parents who taught me how to work hard and how to manage my money well. God had given me the motivation, dedication, and passions that I had. When I finally accepted that everything I had wasn't even mine to begin with, giving became a whole lot easier. I began to understand the true concept of stewardship which is managing what God has given me not hoarding and keeping from God what was His to begin with. I also started to understand the concept that giving didn't mean just giving my money. Giving meant sharing my time, talents, abilities, and spiritual gifts with the church, the church body, and my community. God gave me those gifts to share with others, not keep to myself.

While this concept might seem constraining or even imprisoning to some, it has been the most freeing experience for me. If anything, it has opened my eyes up to all that God has given me. And wow, I am one blessed woman! Instead of feeling like nothing is mine, I am filled with peace knowing these things are God's, I am God's and God takes care of His sheep. This is where my story gets emotional for me and if you have made it this far in reading this, I promise this is where I was going all along. God has provided for me and my family in phenomenal ways. I am a worrier by nature and I cannot tell you how many times I was convinced that we weren't going to make it, but we have never, ever gone without. God has given my family exactly what we need right when we need it and not a second sooner. This journey has pushed my faith and trust in Christ in ways I had never experienced. I have been forced to rely on Him to come through for me and He always does. We have received everything from used furniture, diapers for my son, used toys & clothes, money for a suit for my husband to preach in, random bonuses at work, extra scholarship money that came from out of nowhere, jobs openings that came right in time, discounts on services because my husband is a clergy member, meals and extra food galore, free babysitting...I could seriously go on and on and on. We have been blessed with the most amazing church family who have literally been the hands and feet of Jesus to my family and who God has used to bless our family more than they will ever know. Not only has God provided for us with monetary things, but He has also blessed us with amazing relationships with people that we would have never had the pleasure of knowing had we not relied on Him for all we have.

While this journey has been a difficult one for me, I can say it has allowed me to testify of the goodness of God in my life. What I love about a testimony is that it's your story and no one, no matter who they are and what they believe, can argue or mess with your experience. It belongs to you and it is precious and deserves to be treasured. God has always provided for me. He has never fallen short and He has never failed me. God has never abandoned me. I am continuing to learn to trust Him with all that I have and all that I am. It isn't always easy, but I can assure you that if you give yourself to God and trust Him with all that you have, God will enrich and bless your life in immeasurable and unexplainable ways. It is now my joy and honor to give because God gave and continues to give to me. 

God Is Making Things Happen For You (Are you watching?)

This quote above is one of my favorites. I think of it often and go back to it during the times where I don't feel God's answers to be as evident as I would like. It's encouraging to me to know that God is always working, in and around me, for His glory and my good. I read this, feel uplifted, and go on with my day. But the struggle comes when I forget this truth. The challenge comes when I forget to look for God's handprint in my life and I lose perspective. It's so easy to find myself never satisfied, always wanting more.


How often do we beg God for something and then once we get it...we immediately become unsatisfied with something else in our lives and go running to God to fix that as well? We don't even take the time to be thankful for our answered prayer and slow down enough to realize God is actively working in our lives in big and small ways.

I realized I was doing this recently when it came to my work life. Before I had Grayson, I dreamed of being able to work part-time and have the opportunity to stay home with him a few days a week. At the time, we didn't think this would be financially possible. Josh and I made the decision that I would go back to work full-time after having our baby. I was devastated and could barely even think about it. The daunting thought of having to go back to work creeped in during my entire 6 week maternity leave. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of leaving my 6 week old baby to go back to work full-time. I went back for exactly a day and a half before making the decision that I had to go part-time. I talked to my boss immediately and she said it would be possible for me to go part-time. Problem-solved or in other words, prayer answered. Josh and I were nervous about being able to make it financially with me only working part-time. Well, we aren't rich that's for sure, but we are making it! God has provided for us whether that be through unexpected raises and bonuses or a sweet friend giving us used baby clothes and a church member dropping off a box of diapers for us. Every little bit counts and has helped us. Another prayer was answered. Josh was even able to go full-time at his job as associate pastor at our church this summer which allows me to be home more. Another example of God's hand in our lives.

While I was so happy to only work 3 days a week, I had to give up a lot of responsibility at work. I'm not doing as much now and not in charge of as much because I am there half the time. Because of that, I don't always feel as challenged as I would like at my job. Recently, I was down about that and instead of remembering how far God had brought me to allow me to stay at home more with my son, I focused on the negative. I focused on the part I had to give up in order for God to bless me. I also still hated commuting to and from Buckhead 3 days a week. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I hate commuting and how much it affects my life. I may have been working less, but on the days I did work, I would literally be almost in tears because the traffic would keep me away for added time. The drive would put me in an awful mood and it just became a burden in my life. One day, I was 30 minutes late picking up my son and I actually cried because I had been away from him for so long that day. I was in the car for an hour and a half trying to get to him after work and I had reached my limit. Soon after that, my company began hiring new people and it became a possibility for me to leave work an hour earlier. This might sound minor, but for a commuter, it's a big deal. I can get home in 40 minutes as opposed to an hour plus. And I am in a much happier mood when I reach my doorstep! Another prayer answered.

We moved offices at work recently and I found myself separated from most of my co-workers doing a job that is very basic and not extremely fulfilling for me. I was really bummed about it Monday and I felt lonely and left-out because I am away from everyone. Then I had a big wake-up call. How can I possibly complain at all about my work situation? God has been so good to me through all of this. How can I not be thankful for what He's done and lose perspective that fast? He has answered so many prayers over and over. And yet, only I could find a reason to still be unhappy and want more. I quickly reminded myself of all the ways God has moved in this situation and became overwhelmed with gratitude. I don't think I had even realized how much God had been working until I pieced it all together. And wow. That was just a tiny fraction of my life and God had it handled. And me? Well, I forgot that all too quickly and let negativity and anxiety take over instead of letting peace and praise fill me up.

God is working. All the time. Are we looking, opening our eyes, and being grateful in return? Or are we constantly asking for something more with discontent? It's easy to focus on the things in my life that I wish were better or different, but there is so much peace to be had when I realize that the things I want and need are slowly coming to be...all in His timing.

"The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:5-7

Our Story

Today marks 3 years since Josh and I began dating! It's been a whirlwind and I wouldn't change it for anything. In light of today, I am feeling quite nostalgic and started thinking back on our story from the beginning. We get questions all the time about how we met and started dating, so I thought I would share a little bit of our story.

Most people don't know that Josh and I were actually friends for a year before we ever began dating. We met in May of 2010 through a mutual friend. My best friend, Caylyn, and Josh both went to the same college and were already good friends. I went to visit Caylyn the weekend after my junior year of college ended to kick off the summer. While I was there, I met Josh. He came over late one night after getting off work at Papa John's. He was in his uniform and covered with dough, but I instantly knew there was something different about him. It's funny because I remember being interested in him immediately. I knew he was a good, Christian guy and he was fun to be around. I also knew I needed more people like this in my life. I left GCSU that weekend thinking that he was a nice guy who I wanted to get to know more. I then asked to be his Facebook friend, so technically I originally initiated it ;)

We talked over Facebook chat for over a year and got to know each other a lot that way. We both enjoyed talking to each other and would stay up late into the night getting to know each other more. It slowly developed into a solid friendship. Although there was always a spark between us, the fact that we lived almost 3 hours away from each other (I lived in Carrollton and he lived in Irwinton), discouraged anything more from ever developing between us...until the next summer.

I went on a mission trip to South Korea in May of 2011 and because Josh had also gone on many international mission trips, we began talking much more frequently. Little did I know that he was actually starting to pursue me. We talked more after I got back from my trip and one day he decided to call me. We talked for hours. Calling turned into Skyping and soon enough we were spending a lot of time in communication with each other through calls, texts, Facebook chat, Skyping, etc. I was completely blind to the entire thing though! I was in a place where I really wasn't looking for a relationship. I had told God that I needed a break from guys and wasn't going to be looking for a boyfriend any time soon. Well, God and Josh had a different plan. At that point, I thought of Josh as a really good friend and loved his company. I was content being single, so I wasn't pushing for anything more. I do remember thinking, there's no way my future husband is someone I already know (not realizing that he was actually right under my nose the entire time). After heavily pursing me without my knowledge, Josh finally asked me out on a date. (Apparently everyone was aware this was going to happen except me). I thought; why not give him a shot? And the rest is history.

We only went on two dates before he asked me to be his girlfriend and I happily said yes. It all happened so fast, yet it had been building up for a year. Starting a relationship with Josh was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Our relationship was different than anything I had ever experienced and I was immediately smitten. I knew this guy was different than anyone else. He was my best friend and we had so much fun together. We could talk for hours and the conversation never got dull. Josh is such a wonderful, Godly man and a perfect match for me! Since July of 2011, our life together has been far from boring. We started off driving 3 hours to see each other every weekend and visiting each other as much as possible. Josh was finishing his last semester of college, accepting the call to seminary, and transitioning into post-college life while trying to find a "real" job. I had just graduated college and moved back home. I was bouncing around from job to job and was really trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. We came into each other's lives at the perfect time, but it was far from simple.

We have been through a long distance relationship, college, seminary, moving, new churches, new jobs, engagement, marriage, buying our first house, and now expecting our first child. Transition is a word I would use to describe the past 3 years. We have been constantly transitioning from one thing to the next with little stability. The one thing that has remained solid throughout everything has been our relationship. We are far from perfect as is our relationship, but we are genuinely so happy together. We bring out the best in each other and challenge each other to be better. We have worked hard for our relationship, but at the same time, it's always come easily and been very natural. I have never laughed so hard or had so much fun as I have in the past 3 years. I'm so thankful to have Josh by my side through thick and thin to encourage me, love me, and continuously pursue me. God blessed me with a man and a marriage that far exceeded my expectations for myself and I couldn't be more grateful.

So, that's our story. Here's to all the blank pages still left to be filled with amazing memories and adventures. I can't wait for our future together because I know the best is yet to come!

 

I Can't Do This Alone

Over the past 9 months, I have had the pleasure of being a part of two special groups. The first being a girl's Bible study for the average 20 something and the second being my Sunday school class at my church. Both of these groups were answered prayers for me.

When I was in college, I was a part of a few different small groups and came to really enjoy and appreciate them. I was able to bear my heart and bond with those in the group through similar struggles, joys, and circumstances. You see, these ladies helped me understand the true need for fellowship in the Christian walk. I finally understood how essential other people are in our faith. Yes, you can do it alone, but it is so much more fulfilling to have others walk alongside you. I experienced fellow believers praying for me, encouraging me, and holding me up through the trials in my life. I learned so much more in a group than I would have ever learned on my own and it was truly a joy to be a part of these small groups.

Since I graduated from college, I have lacked that close bond of fellowship in my life. I didn't have a group of people to learn from and rely on. I didn't have a group of people to pray for me or for me to lay my heart out to. I struggled to find friends in the same phase of life as me and something just felt off about the few groups I did try out. At the end of last summer, I prayed for a group of people to come in to my life and allow for that close bond again. I wanted to learn and be pushed. I wanted to be surrounded by a few people who were in the same phase of life as me and would understand where I was coming from. I wanted to be held accountable for all these great intentions I had but never carried out. Well, that prayer was answered beyond my expectation. This year I was blessed with two different groups of people. Both of them are completely opposite and God definitely taught me that you can learn something from any group of people if you are open and willing.

The first group came about when one of my good friends asked me if I would be interested in starting a Bible study for young, married women. She asked at the perfect time when I was desiring to be around some women who were also newlyweds. Not that I didn't love my single friends, but being a newlywed, I knew there was so much I could learn from other married women. There were also struggles and joys that I wanted to share with people who I knew would understand. The group started this fall and has been nothing but a blessing in my life. I have grown so much through this group and the books we have studied. The material has been inspiring, but the women in the group far outdid anything I could have read. I learned so much from all of the ladies in this Bible study and finally got the fellowship that I had been craving. We laughed together, cried together, and shared our burdens and fears. Most nights we would lay it all out on the table and I would leave feeling nothing less than complete fulfillment, the courage to keep going, and the challenge to be a more Godly woman. I was so deeply encouraged by this group and it was a confirmation of how crucial fellowship is in my walk.

The second group is not as traditional as the first, and that was the beauty of it. I first started attending Mountain View UMC in June of 2013. I was interested in joining a Sunday school class, but because I went to the early service, my options were limited. I ended up joining a class full of older people. To be honest, I was a little hesitant at first and nervous to see how I would fit in to the group. The impact this group has had on me has been a complete surprise and I have loved every minute of it. I have learned so much from this group of older believers and have been very challenged by their faith. They have really been there for me and encouraged me during hard times. They have consistently prayed for me and asked about specific things I have mentioned months later. They pay attention to the details and they care. They are such a sweet group of people and my eyes have been opened to the wisdom they carry. We have also read some great material in that class and going through it together allowed me to learn more and ask questions that I couldn't answer on my own. Reading it together allowed our study to be rich instead of just mediocre. The group effort allowed us to dig deep. I love my Sunday school class and am so thankful for our weekly meetings that I always look forward to. God had a different idea with this group and it ended up completely surpassing my expectations.

God has created us for many things, but one of the essential things that we have been created for is relationship. We have been created to have relationships with one another. God made us that way. He allows those relationships to spur us on and fill us up. Oh how different the Christian walk would be if we did not have each other. I am so grateful for the relationships and times of fellowship that God has given me. If you do not have others in your life that you can rely on for those important times of fellowship and relationship, I deeply encourage you to find a group or a few different people that can be that for you. It is such an essential part of my faith and I can't express the impact that these people have had on my life.