Social Media Cleanse

So, last week I challenged myself to do something I've always wanted to do, but never followed through with because in all honestly, I didn't think I could do it. I made the decision to give up all social media for a week. I will be the first to admit that I am way too invested in social media and I waste a lot of my precious and valuable time scrolling through my newsfeed. While social media can be fun and a way to share with family and friends, I found myself caring way too much about what was going on in other's lives and what people might be saying about mine. After getting frustrated about some negative comments I received, a friend and I were talking about how giving ourselves a break from social media might be good for us. So we agreed to no social media for a week. I'll admit I was not 100% thrilled about it, but the fact that I had any reservations at all confirmed that I needed a break.

I decided to take this time away from social media and treat it almost like a fast. It's great to cut something negative or all-consuming out of your life, but I also wanted to replace the time I spent on social media with something positive and uplifting. It would have been really easy to not get on Facebook, but instead binge watch a series on Netflix or spend hours pinning recipes or DIY projects on Pinterest. I wanted to invest my time in something worth-while, not just replace one bad habit with another. At one point, my mom said, "Wow, you must have a lot of extra time now!" And that actually wasn't the case. It's not like I just sit on the couch for hours going through Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter every night, but I am very distracted by social media and give it more time and energy than I would care to admit. It was a challenging week, but so freeing! So here's a look at my observations and feelings during my social media "cleanse", if you will. At the end of it all, I'm really glad I did it and I would challenge anyone else who might tend to get sucked in to all of the posts, comments, likes, newsfeed, etc. mess to also give it a try! After all, there was life before Facebook ;)

Reasons Behind My Decision:

1. Too invested -- in what myself and others posted
2. Wasting my time
3. Letting other people's opinions bother me
4. Being nosy and needing to know what's going on with people
5. Comparison -- feeling like my life didn't live up to what others were posting


First Few Days:

1. Feeling disconnected and cut off from the world -- wanting to know what's going on with everyone
2. Realizing the habit of how often I checked social media without even thinking about it -- I had created such a mindless routine for myself
3. Noticing how often I caught myself thinking about what my "status" would be and what pictures I would post -- social media really was consuming my thoughts
4. I had to be intentional with my time even without social media or else I would automatically resort to time-wasters -- it's easy to fill my time with Netflix, Pinterest, Blogs, etc.
5. Becoming aware that I am not fully focused most of the time  -- I have a need to always be doing something and struggle with just doing one thing at a time
6. Feeling like a detox from an addiction -- sad, I know!
7. I'm not very good at being alone -- social media makes me feel like I'm with others, so I don't have to be "by myself"
8. Why do I need the approval of others to feel good about myself and my life?

Positives of No Social Media:

1. More focused on what I am doing and more present with the people around me
2. More time to do things that matter -- daily devotionals, focused time with my family, paying more attention to my surroundings, thinking about me as opposed to others
3. Not as consumed and thinking about it as much -- more clear and less cluttered thoughts
4. By day 4, I didn't care nearly as much -- the first few days were hard, but then I realized my life still went on even if I didn't know what other people were doing
5. Better at being alone and feeling okay about it
6. Less comparison and being so nosy
7. Connecting with friends through personal conversation instead of relying on social media to know what's going on in their lives
8. Spending more time in prayer and connecting with God with less distractions

On the first day of my social media fast, I read this quote below during my devotional time. It's so funny how God puts things in our path right when you need to hear it most. This quote just rang so true for me. Where am I investing my time? Am I protecting what's really important? Can I learn to prioritize and say no when needed? What's really valuable in my life? It's funny how a week away from social media can teach so many lessons. These lessons are so valuable and I intend on bringing what I learned this week with me moving forward.

"One of the most irreplaceable, valuable things we possess is our time. We cannot go out and buy more time, and yet time it is one of the things we squander most easily. We waste time; we spend time doing things that zap our energy. There's nothing wrong with giving someone or something your time, but I have often been sucked into commitments I should have avoided by thinking - well, it's only a few hours of my time. I forget time is a pearl of great price. My stuff is not holy. My possessions are not my pearls. But the hours I have each day -- these are precious. As my children get older, I realize I do not get these days to do over. When people or things try to demand those pearls from me, sometimes the best thing I can do is refuse. In order to protect the things that mean the most to me, I sometimes have to say no."

Grayson's 5 Month Update!

It's that time again...Grayson is 5 months old! Holy cow! If I had to sum up this month, it would be the month of the milestones! He hit so many this month and is just developing and progressing so wonderfully. It's so fun to see him learn to do new things...his little personality is just coming out! For me, this month was much more smooth and fun! Grayson is at such a cool age; he's such a BIG (little) boy!

Weight & Height: I'm not sure about his height, but he's definitely longer. He went through a period where he kind of chunked up, but still seemed really short. This month he seems to have stretched out and don't seem as much like a little bowling bowl ;) He still has those adorable rolls though and he weighs 18 pounds!

 

(These monthly photos are getting harder and harder to take!)

Feeding: Feeding has gone really well this month because this was our 5th month of exclusively breastfeeding. I feel like Grayson and I have it down pat at this point. He eats within about 30 minutes of waking up, eats mid-morning and again in mid-afternoon, and then has a big feeding around 5-6pm. After that, he eats a little before bed and that's it. He averages about 4 hours between feedings right now, but can go longer!. Grayson also has one solid feeding during the night (that I am hoping to cut out soon!). He is such a great little eater and I am super curious to see how he does with solids. We are trying them out now that he is 5 months old! A part of me is sad that his time of being exclusively breastfed is done, but I'm also a little excited for the freedom that it will bring for me. I love that he is solely dependent on me for food, but at the same time, it can be a lot of work! I'm really proud of myself for breastfeeding him on my own with no supplements for 5 months especially since I am also working. I didn't think we would last this long, but we did! I'll be curious how my supply adjusts now that he won't be needing as much breast milk. We shall see! It will be fun for us to see him try new and different foods!

Sleeping: Someone must have heard my prayers because this department has improved since last month! Grayson does so much better at night and I think a lot of it is because he can finally get comfortable. He loves to sleep on his side and tummy! Grayson is finally on a sleeping schedule and I love that I have something to depend on! Grayson goes to bed around 930pm each night, wakes up around 3am for a feeding (he's only up 10 minutes max. which is great), then wakes up for the day around 830am. This schedule isn't perfected, but this seems to be his pattern and he's doing well with it! Grayson still sleeps in his crib and he is very mobile in his sleep. I put him down on his back and by the time I go in to get him, he's usually on his tummy facing the opposite direction and half a foot forward. He's a mover! Grayson takes a very dependable morning nap about 2-3 hours after he wakes up (usually a longer nap) and takes 2 shorter (less predictable) afternoon naps. We are still working on getting his naps to be a little longer, but now he averages 45 min-1 hour naps.

Clothes: Grayson wears 3-6 month clothing and size 3 diapers.

Mood: Last month I mentioned that we thought Grayson was teething and I was right! He was in so much pain and just miserable. His tooth finally broke through and since then, he has almost been a different baby! He's so much happier and such a joy to be around. He laughs constantly, loves to play, and gives you the sweetest smiles when you look his way. I hate knowing he was in pain, but I'm so glad his true personality is now coming out. Grayson loves action, motion, and constantly doing things. He gets fussy if he is bored and wants a change of scenery. At the same time, he has started cuddling with Josh and I and it's the sweetest thing. Grayson loves to screech with excitement and gets flustered when he can't reach a toy or get it in his mouth. He is so reactive and responsive and just seems to much older all the sudden. I feel like I have a little buddy with me now because he interacts with me. He's still very vocal and loves to chat. It's so fun!

 

Teeth: 2! He got his first tooth at about 4.5 months (lower center left) and then got his second tooth (lower center right) less than 2 weeks later. His little smile is adorable now with his teeth poking through!

Milestones: He hit so many this month! He can now roll over consistently both ways, sits up, reaches, grabs, and holds on to objects, and can stand unassisted for seconds at a time. The boy is strong! 

Loves: Bouncing on your leg by standing up and sitting down quickly (he gets some momentum going and he's fast!), playing with his toys, laughing at our dog, grabbing faces and discovering new body parts, kicking his legs, grabbing anything near him, screaming with joy, and playing with his big cousins!

Dislikes: It's all a mood thing with this baby! Just depends what he's feeling or not feeling in the moment ;)

Things I Want to Remember:

• Hiking in Blue Ridge

• First Beach Trip

• Josh's Graduation From Seminary -- It was so special that Grayson was able to watch his daddy walk across the stage and celebrate in his big accomplishment!

• First Wedding

Mother's Morning Out

While I was pregnant with Grayson, I envisioned what my life would be like when I finally became a mother. I saw myself continuing going to the gym, having date nights with my husband, and letting family and close friends watch Grayson while I took the time to do things for myself. I knew I would love my child and want to be with him, but I figured I would still make time for everything else. I planned to still invest in myself, my marriage, and my friendships.

Fast forward 5 months and I have to admit that this is something I struggle with as a new mother. I attribute a lot of it to the fact that I am already gone almost 11 hours, 3 days a week for work. For me, that is enough. I don't want to be away from my child any more than I have to be. And at almost 33 hours a week, I've hit my limit. For the first few months after I went back to work, I held on tight. I didn't want to take the time to do things for myself if that meant leaving Grayson behind. I didn't want to take the time to go on dates with my husband without making it a family affair. And I surely wasn't going to go hang out with friends or take any sort of trip if Grayson couldn't be a part of it. Recently, I really had to come to terms with the fact that I have put my life on hold since having a child. My life 100% revolves around my baby and I love it. I love bringing him with me wherever I go, mostly because, I really struggle being away from him. It makes me sad and I really dislike it. I want to be with Grayson as much as possible. I'm his mama and I feel like that's where I belong. I happily put him first.

The problem lies when I realized I have invested so much time in my son and not enough time in myself. I never do things for myself any more. I never want to leave Grayson with any one, so that I can take the time for me. It's not that I don't trust people. It's that I don't want to give up the precious, but limited time I have with him. The past month, my husband and I have talked a lot about how we needed to spend more time together, just us. This is a struggle because we love bringing Grayson with us. We love doing things as a new family of 3. But we also aren't naïve and we know that in order for our marriage to be successful and happy, we have to invest in each other. Without the baby. We have been trying to make more time for each other and trying to take people up on offers to watch Grayson, even if it's just for 45 minutes, so we can go on a run together like we did on our beach trip.

I've also been trying to work on this when it comes to myself. I got a massage gift certificate from my mom for Christmas. I remember her asking me what I wanted and telling her to get me something a new mother would appreciate. Well she hit the nail on the head...an hour of relaxation is a perfect gift for a new mommy! The problem was that it was hitting June and I still hadn't used the gift card. I didn't want to take the time to go because I didn't want to give up time with my son. This may sound crazy, but maybe someone out there can relate. I had put off doing things for myself for a long time and I knew it was time for me to take some time for myself. It's so important for me to recharge, so I am the best mom I can be. So yesterday, I let my mom watch Grayson, so that I could go get my massage. I'll admit, it was a little hard for me to give up time with him on my day off. But I knew it was important. And it was really nice! I really enjoyed myself. It felt good to take some time for me.

This is still a balancing act for me. I know it probably sounds crazy to some, but it's a very real struggle for me. I'm still trying to find the right balance between being a mom and taking the time for myself. Sometimes showing love to someone isn't by always being present, but by investing in what's important. Sometimes taking the time to care for myself and my marriage is a more significant and impactful act of love. My son deserves the best, the best version of myself and the best set of parents to look up to and learn from. And I am working on giving him those things.